Getting tough

I haven’t had bad tendencies or attempted suicide since i was 18 in high school. Now I am 23 and each month the thoughts and urges todo so have steadily grown. Really when my womanly time hits is when it hits an all time high. I have goals in my life and some day i want children. If these feelings keep growing, theres no telling if ill make it to those happy times. I don’t want to go back on medication but that seems like my only option. Nobody understands me and when they say to express myself (tell all my feelings) they look as if i am the joker attacking gotham…. This place would be better without me. I get it from my daddy.