10 days before I have to decide. 10 days. I’m scared. So god damn scared. Don’t know what’s up or what’s down. Just don’t know hot to cope. I’m just no good. Plain and simple. Tomorrow I’m going to ask the prof what she thinks. To ask her if I’m good enough. I think right now she’s upset with the progress of the project. I don’t think she is happy. Honestly, in my heart of hearts, I want someone to tell me I’m no good. Straight up. When I ask my parents or my team mates or whatever, they say I’m good enough. Cautiously. They say that I’m good enough, but they do so in a way where I think they are holding back what they think. I want some one to look me dead in the eye and say, you are not good enough. Because there is that tiny little sliver in my mind that thinks I can make it. That tiny sliver that holds out hope. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have even bothered applying. I would just say, absolutely not good enough let me pick this one. But because I am struggling, I don’t know. I’m hoping that the prof can set me straight. That she can tell me with complete and utter sincerity that I am simply not good enough. I don’t know. I’m scared. Scared from all the classes. Scared from all the projects. Scared of the real world. Scared of everything. I’m just no good. Plain no good.
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I can’t say I understand, but I sure as hell can relate to that feeling. I just wish somebody would give me permission some days to be gone when I don’t feel like anybody really wants me here. I don’t feel like I belong and even though some people tell me that I’m good enough and then I’m worthy somebody important to me told me that I wasn’t. Somebody important told me that I was a piece of shit. My whole life I’ve gone without somebody being able to completely tear me apart. It has been done finally, please don’t wish for it on yourself. It’s taking all the uncertainty out of the choice and instead left me feeling hollow. Don’t try to confirm what you feel just move on to better things until you stop feeling that way…. Please
You are not good enough. And you there are not good enough too. Everyone here is not good enough. Thats why we made mistake and learn but we made mistake again and learn and made mistake again and learn and loop it forever until you and i died. Ill tell you straight you are not good enough in this. If you already try your best but still not good enough then give up and start over on different things. Is it sport or art or sing or game or whatever !!!
And tell them to stop f*ing force ypu to be good at whan you cant !!! Mmmm but in a good manner but if they still forcing u then shut them up and let it out !!