Been a long time since I posted here. I wish I could say it was because things were going okay, but that is not the case. One person can only handle so much. Thing don’t always get better, but they can always get worse. That’s where I have been and that’s where I am at… a continuous downward cycle of abuse, disrespect and bullying. That’s been my life. Too many bad choices and surrounded by cruel people. Living with my poor choices is not easy. There should be forgiveness for mistakes and there is none. Just the wicked never rest or walk away. I have collected a bunch of cliches, sadly they are true. Experience is a cruel teacher. I have contemplated suicide intermittently since I was a child. 1st time I tried I was 10. Sexual and emotional abuse. Had a few good years in my 20’s and early 30’s but downhill from there. Now I can’t think of a day in the last 20 years that the thought didn’t pass my mind. Did a lot of research too. There are a lot of success stories. A few failures too. That is what has stopped me these last few years. I could be a failure and even worse situation than now. I have no friends, no family .. if I don’t do it right , well things can always get worse. Even talked to a therapist for several years, waste of time and money. So sad when i think about my youth and the few happy times. My life is truly a wasted life. The only thing I got is a wasted talent. I regularly contribute to the animal shelter for decades. That’s it. I do finally have a plan though. I think a good one too. Pray for me it’s not another failure, otherwise I could be in a lot of trouble. The only people who have my back are the ones who stab it.