I wonder what it’s like to have a normal relationship with food, to not have your every waking thought be about food. I went to the doctor to change my antidepressant and I had went from 170 to 191 in two months, and I wasn’t even taking the antidepressant so that’s not to blame I’ve always been like this. I don’t do normal teen things, I don’t go out much, I don’t talk to boys, I don’t even go to school anymore and it all comes down to my weight. It’s always I’ll eat what I want today and starve tomorrow but it’s like tomorrow never comes. I avoid going out and even avoid family functions because I’m too fat. no one will like me unless I’m skinny. I went to the doctor to change my antidepressant and I had went from 170 to 191 in two months. One time I starved myself for 26 days and I lost over 20 pounds, I felt like I was pretty much on the brink of death but it still wasn’t enough. still not skinny. I always say that I can do the things I want but I have to lose weight first, I’ve gone on diets and I lose weight but I always binge and gain it back. I turn eighteen this year, I’ve been doing this since I was eight. Now I look back and realize I’m wasting my teen years, so many things I haven’t done because I’m too fat and ugly. I probably won’t even be able to go to college because I haven’t been to school, I’ll end up with a shitty job living with my parents the rest of my life. or I could just kill myself, that would be easier wouldn’t it. way easier than losing weight. I hate myself so much that’s all I want to do.
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I’m on the other end of the spectrum, food wise, I wouldn’t eat if I didn’t make myself…. sometimes I replace meals with coffee and milk, and the great shame is that it works. From what I’ve been told, it’s the same chemical reaction that causes some people to binge eat, in me it makes my stomach hurt such that I can’t stand food.
As far as school, I might know some stuff to help. One is that you can get your GED, and it will take the place of a high school diploma. That’s what I did. Once you get that done, it depends on what you want to do, where you want to go. You can get a skilled job either through apprenticeship or vocational school. There’s a serious shortage of tradespeople (plumbers, HVAC, electricians, carpenters etc.) so if you can do basic math, you can probably do them.
The other option I know about, I hesitate to recommend because it has worked out so poorly for me, but you could go to college. Talk to advisors about what job options a degree will open up, and maybe you can do better at finding a career after school.
Your work doesn’t make you, doesn’t say who you are. You decide what matters, and it’s better to not give meaning to anything that won’t recognize talent or ambition.