Someone close to someone I love died and I can’t help but feel jealous of them. I wish it was me. Why couldn’t it be me? I don’t understand. I don’t want to live and I want death and it seemed like everyone around me is closer to death than I’ll ever be. I know it’s a stupid feeling but whenever I remember what it takes to hold on and be alive, I honestly don’t want to go through it.
All these happiness is not worth the extreme pain I feel about merely existing. Being a human sucks and we’re only going to keep living in a country that barely cares for our lives.
Admit it, humans are just statistics. We’re just numbers in a collected data. We’re nothing. We’re insignificant. Why then, do I have to be alive for? What’s the use? Being alive hurts and I can’t just be this selfish stupid self forever.
When I think about his passing, I keep on thinking back how it should’ve been me. It should’ve been me. I should’ve died. Why can’t it be me? I’m the one that don’t want to live. Please. I really can’t. Why? Why is it not me?
Just existing is so hard. I don’t want to live. I don’t want to live. Why can’t I just die. Please. I don’t want to live.
6 comments
” The reason why you’re still alive is near you bc in fact , THAT IS YOU”
Derek J.
Good to see you again, been awhile. Life is hard and dying is too, if we have to DIY.
Good to see you still kicking it too, old man. You know, because you said I should give writing a go, I finished my first novel. I’m so proud of myself for that. And I thank you too for pointing that out about my writing here. Thank you so much.
That is huge. What is the genre?
I think tragedy, drama, historical fiction… Maybe you could email me at saotoka@gmail.com. I urm, may not come here as often to reply.
Sure. I’ll put a1957 in the subject when I email. I t will be good to see how things have gone for both of us. Still painful for both of us I see.