I think I’m probably more into my anonymity here than most users of this site. It feels so good to be able to say stuff that can’t be directly traced back to the person I try to be. But on rare occasions, there’s spill over. I do talk about being suicidal in public forums, and sometimes I talk about things here that absolutely should give away who I am. The beautiful thing is that usually no one cares.
Like, that’s what was cool about the pandemic, suddenly everyone was just getting through today, it was possible not to care and be socially acceptable.
Right, rabbit trails, main point;
I have this story idea. It’s perhaps one of the few ideas I think is marginally original and that I could impart a unique spin on. The problem is if I write this story, I’ll be outing myself on a grand stage. My name and suicide would be unavoidably linked, like Camus. Which is a joke few people get, I seem to like those.
Anyway, here’s the pitch;
Guy is suicidal, guy kills himself. But it turns out that his soul was blocking something unholy, something terrible, and now that eldrich creature is coming to kill everyone he ever knew. And it’d be cool because I could do some interesting things with intercutting the present post apocalyptical terror with scenes of the now seemingly idyllic time before.
That’s the pitch.
I just…. have a lot of feelings about it. On one hand it’s great because suicidal people could benefit from visibility too, I think. On the other hand trigger warnings and some people will blame it anyway even if I’m explicitly clear that I’m death neutral; die, don’t die, up to you bud
Then there is the fear that other suicidal people will take it in a way that would upset me. Like, I don’t want to appear to be cashing out, or ripping off my problem for a thought provoking narrative
and this is why none of my writing projects have gotten off the ground, I overthink them to death and don’t act on them
1 comment
That’s a cool outline, and those are important questions you’re bringing up. I’m not a writer but I’m an artist of sorts, so we fall into the same traps: exposing ourselves, profiting from pain. It’s mostly the 2nd one that has silenced me for years.
It’s not because of any moral or ethical high horse. I just can’t stomach the idea of cheapening my own suffering by making it a commercial product. Think of it, if your work is truly honest, then you are sharing your deepest feelings with the world, for what… money. Even if you get stinking rich off it, there will always be the realization that people are buying and selling your pain.
But I would say either way, you should write it. I create my art because it’s critical for my survival. If I didn’t have that distraction I would blow my brains out. But I haven’t shared anything with anyone in years. After I blow my brains out they can sell the pieces of me, or let it rot, I won’t be around to care.
You’re the first writer I’ve seen who has preemptively brought up these issues. I think most creative types get swept up in the egotistical high of creating/sharing/(profiting) without thinking of the possible repercussions to themselves and society. Not saying there’s any 1 correct approach, but when you’re in the business of spreading thoughts, everything should be carefully considered.