I think I’m probably more into my anonymity here than most users of this site. It feels so good to be able to say stuff that can’t be directly traced back to the person I try to be. But on rare occasions, there’s spill over. I do talk about being suicidal in public forums, and sometimes I talk about things here that absolutely should give away who I am. The beautiful thing is that usually no one cares.
Like, that’s what was cool about the pandemic, suddenly everyone was just getting through today, it was possible not to care and be socially acceptable.
Right, rabbit trails, main point;
I have this story idea. It’s perhaps one of the few ideas I think is marginally original and that I could impart a unique spin on. The problem is if I write this story, I’ll be outing myself on a grand stage. My name and suicide would be unavoidably linked, like Camus. Which is a joke few people get, I seem to like those.
Anyway, here’s the pitch;
Guy is suicidal, guy kills himself. But it turns out that his soul was blocking something unholy, something terrible, and now that eldrich creature is coming to kill everyone he ever knew. And it’d be cool because I could do some interesting things with intercutting the present post apocalyptical terror with scenes of the now seemingly idyllic time before.
That’s the pitch.
I just…. have a lot of feelings about it. On one hand it’s great because suicidal people could benefit from visibility too, I think. On the other hand trigger warnings and some people will blame it anyway even if I’m explicitly clear that I’m death neutral; die, don’t die, up to you bud
Then there is the fear that other suicidal people will take it in a way that would upset me. Like, I don’t want to appear to be cashing out, or ripping off my problem for a thought provoking narrative
and this is why none of my writing projects have gotten off the ground, I overthink them to death and don’t act on them