This time of year, there’s a lot of feelings around. Personally, I dislike feelings, especially when it is me feeling them.
All the same, I can’t help but look around and think things are pretty nice. We just got back from the store and bought enough food to make it through the incoming cold snap. All food that sounds good to me, which is a challenge these days.
So I’m basically holed up in my little house, most of the time in my little office. I have a space heater, so it is current 77 degrees in my office, just lovely. My favorite dog is sitting on the dog bed, he’s my favorite because he likes to fall asleep laying next to me. I have a few new games to play, plenty of books to read, and I don’t have to go anywhere until Sunday.
Maybe this is as good as it gets.
I spend so much time pushing for better, to earn more, to escape this state which I’ve always felt like an exile in. My home though, with my wife, cats and dogs, is the most beautiful place I can think of right now. Yes, it would be perfection if we had all of this and a bit more solitude, a bit more land, a bit less Summer.
Lately I’m having the fantasy of buying a house deep in the mountains, and being able to say; “I’m sorry, the passes are closed we can’t get to you.” because that happens in the mountains. I want a fireplace too, it sucks being as cold as this and not having a fireplace.
Who knows what tomorrow brings, right? Maybe death, and if it came I’d be relatively glad it did. Maybe new life. Maybe this school thing will amount to something. Maybe I’ll hear back on my interview. Maybe nothing, and it’s just waiting for my parents to either get too old to live alone or die…. either way that represents an end to the status quo…. but who knows what comes after, eh? Maybe they’ll leave me nothing, and I’ll be completely destitute.
Oh, my therapist is retiring after next session, so I’m getting a new therapist. He had a baby, well his wife did, and while I’m glad for him, there’s just a bit of jealousy. I wish my life was working out to the point I could have a child.
But I’ve got my pup, and my items to occupy myself with.