I’ve wasted my life. And I’m too old to fix it. I’m sure there’s plenty I can do to improve things, but I’m never going to catch up on all those years of relationships and formative life experiences. And I see that more clearly on the rare occasions I’m actually around people. Which makes me not want to be around people. But I need to be around people in order to improve my life. And so the cycle continues.
It’s so hard to accept – being socially non-existent. Having nothing to say for yourself. I just sit there and wait for the ground to swallow me. Being OK with being so alone and socially worthless – it often feels impossible.