thoughts

Theres a lot of shit in my head right now, I cant get it out. I cant stop thinking about it. But I know I’m too weak to act on anything. Weak. But yet I want to so bad. I’m trying to hold on. I wouldn’t want to ruin the holidays for my family by dying now. I guess that’s just me procrastinating on it. Because I’m weak. But I cant stop thinking about the last moments and finally fading away, never having to deal with this world or myself again. And stop being so burdensome. I’ve been in pain all day and it hasnt helped. I’m just being fucking stupid and I’m in this cycle of this depression that I’m trying to pull myself out of. I fail every time. I fail everything. I read something here about not having the discipline to live an actual life or die, and I’m the same way, mainly out of weakness. I wish I wasn’t so weak. I can’t stop thinking about just ending it all. I think I have what I intended in my room still.