It’s been a strange year. I’ve found out a lot about myself. I’m uncomfortable right now. I’m ill. I’m low. I’m more tired than ever of dismissing my feelings because it’s the illness talking, not me. But who is me? I have no fucking idea. All I am is this scared, weak shell of a person that likes to believe she’s strong. I’m usually convinced too. I have no idea who I am and therefore no idea what I’m doing. I had an anxiety attack while driving today, and I still have no idea why. I cried because I felt alone, and now I’m empty again. I can’t ask for help because I’m so afraid of being rejected.
I’ve been feeling pretty empty since I got here. I don’t know what I’m doing, I didn’t know before. But I will figure it out, along with who I am, because I have to or I’m going to kill myself. I’m hooked to unsobriety for the reasons above and some others, and I can’t fix that until I fix how I see myself.
Do you feel better now vs this day? Or are you breaking down in random places? Oceans crashing?
I feel for you, breaking down in public is horrible, especially if one has an ugly cry face and knows it. (Me for one) (ie bawl bag around the world in 80 days)