I am wasting my life away spending hours on SP as well as hours playing games and watching YT videos bc it’s staves off the immediate deep depression and distracts me for the short term. But I am not doing anything to get me out of this predicament. There are things I need to do like get ready to move but I am too fucking fatigued and tired every day so nothing gets done in that regard. And no, it’s not like “do a little each day.” My thing is I’m not sure I have the physical energy to pack and make it to my flight if I book one. bc even doing THAT is hard for me as I literally have ZERO fucking energy. Every day.
And where I am now is a very bad situation. The problem is that where I’ll be going to is not much better, just slightly less worse. And going there means I need to furnish a new place (there is NOTHING there) and no it’s just a good place- it’s a dumpy little room- but even going to get things like shower curtains and a bed and sheets is hard for me. Literally have no energy to do any of it. I don’t sleep and I have physical issues, I’m semi-disabled, and it’s SO hard to get ANYTHING done. I feel like death every day. Wake up tired so the day already starts off bad.
Like I need to gtfo of where I am now, but the fact that I’ll be going to another shitty place but slightly less bad, isn’t very motivating, especially since the second i get there i have to expend serious amounts of energy to get it liveable. Like there is literally NOTHING there and even going to get linen and soap and furniture is very hard for me- no car, no help.
And so I’ve been stuck here in this shitty situation for the last few months bc i have no energy to get up and go.
5 comments
what games?
just online games lol. it’s aite. just a distraction. BUT when all I do is distraction things so i can just get through the day without wanting to kill myself, then in the long run NOTHING gets done. and therein lies the problem. i really don’t have the physical energy to get stuff done and i feel like shit about myself bc of that.
I feel you in general. I’m not disabled though so that has to be rough. I just forced myself to buy groceries, even though it means spending money I don’t have basically. You’ve got this.
same, i hate grocery shopping bc it’s so damn expensive. in addition to having to drag my ass out to do the actual grocery shopping.
no, i don’t got this. i feel like wtf is wrong with me that i can’t even do the most simple basic things that even at the age of 7 i used to do perfectly fine. i took care of myself back then (i was pretty much on my own). and look at me now. an adult but can’t get shit done. sigh.
oh i am semi-disabled but i look “fine” on the outside. like i’m not in a wheelchair and i CAN walk so everyone just looks at me like i’m a lazy POS. i beat myself up about it too bc it’s mostly the fatigue that stops me from doing stuff. yes, there’s inflammation and a whole bunch of other health shit too, but it’s the lack of energy that gets me. so no, i don’t feel like i have an “excuse” either bc i CAN walk. yes, it’s way harder for me but it’s not like i can’t walk so yeah i do feel like shit about myself 99% of the time when i can’t or don’t do stuff bc i’m so fatigued.