limitations

That’s some serious anxiety, been there, not a good time at all, not even a dealable bad time, it just sucks. What does your self care look like? How are you setting goals?

that second one is important, because it sounds like you are having trouble hitting the goals you’re setting, which in turn discourages you, and the cycle of anxiety continues. I know that inner questioning; “What’s wrong with me?” If you take it as a known bug, you are performing sub optimally, how do you get the best results you can from there?

Set realistic goals. That whole reach for the stars stuff is crap, overly optimistic BS. Reach for what you can almost certainly reach.
[this is the point I have multiple metaphors, but can’t decide if you come across as more of a computer person or a car person, then decide to do both because screw it they’re good metaphors]

Suppose you had a car, stuck in the mud. There’s a direction you want to go, and as likely as not that’s the hardest direction. So, let it sit in the mud, or try and extract it in another direction, right? Because having a car is something more than the current condition. Maybe put cardboard under the wheels, whatever it takes try and physically rock it out of the rut (I confess, this has happened to my car a few times), but when it starts moving, man are you going to feel good.

Or suppose your computer was crashing every boot up, and you really wanted to play a brand new game that keeps crashing it. It’d be wonderful to play that game, and maybe down the road that’s possible, but having a computer is better than no computer. I’ve had the point where I’m thinking “if I can just get linux to boot” (linux would boot on almost anything), then at least I have a web browser and some of my tools.

and I realize it’s entirely possible that neither metaphor you could relate to. Oh well. That’s my last tip “oh well”, examining in detail what isn’t working reaches the point that it is pointless. It feels like you’re doing something, but you’re just spinning your wheels (I told myself I’d stop with the car metaphors, I was wrong.) Can you give yourself permission to have failed, and move forward with something different?

Because you don’t have a monopoly on screwing up. It’s something most of us are dealing with. You aren’t a bad person because of your screw ups. Frankly, I don’t believe in bad people. You’re trying to make more of your life, and that is admirable and noble. A bump along the way? Oh well, you can move on.

Just where is all this pressure to succeed coming from? If it’s actually making you less productive, isn’t it worth it to try and change direction and take that pressure off?