I’m ready now. I’m not scared. The last attempt, I felt like I was bargaining with wanting to be valued as a person. I’ll never be worth anything. I wore my pride bracelet yesterday. Two men literally, “fag” “white trash” “dyke” and the tall one “sodium nitrite” “nobody cares if you drink poison” even though I never really expect anything from anyone. I really wonder how he knew that. Anyways, they were doing that all day. Now, I know that if a man is wearing a dressy shirt, he must be important, and if you stare at him for too long, he’ll look at you with disgust after repeating what he heard the other say, “fag” or other degrading talk. You can’t return a blank power gaze without his face curling up and almost like a “you filthy slime” hateful face the other two guys make with their mouth with words. Lol I was counting that one down, as for the boss looking guy, haha. That one looked like a cartoon Sean Penn. I couldn’t help myself. Just a 0_0 was all it took. He was, talking degradingly about the women after all, um, me. Lol I was thinking, “Bullseye” then, this Steve wilkos Jr started gaslighting me about my job, told me to tell him what I was doing, “inspecting the seal around the bolt” he says, “make sure there’s a bolt” like putting me in my place or something. But, I mean hours and hours of insults. I guess, and listen to the end of this music video. 911… It says, “Oh, Ashley, Grow up. You’re so effing ugly.” Before switching to the white sands sign like “Did I?” And I can’t move on from that. She put that there in January.
Motivation to drink it^ (she already expressed pride over all of this)
And second video is for after ingestion. This is going to hurt, but nothing compared to what it will be this year.
I started to watch this one and feel a little better.