tomorrow is when i graduate high school.
why is my brain still holding onto being a child? the constant yearning for care and love.. the amount of plushies i still have.. and how much i get hurt from the most smallest of things..
it’s not like i want to grow up, but i need to if i want to survive. i didn’t expect to live this long though..
I understand how you feel completely… you deserve care and love even now. It’s a big achievement to be alive to even experience this tomorrow, I can’t say much for comfort, but I’m proud of you, and I wish you the best as I think you deserve it.
Good luck with that graduation tomorrow. I remember my graduation, during preparations for the class photograph a teacher took me aside and said the following ” So you’ve survived”, I responded with ” I have, thank you” and then the teacher said ” and you will continue to” and left. I was always eternally grateful for that. In your own case you have survived this far to reach graduation, so you have the capacity to continue, I don’t do toxic positivity so I don’t know if I would recommend to anyone to continue, but you have the capacity to.
I think a lot of people (incl me) cling to childhood because we were robbed of it somehow. The cause might be as subtle as having no social life during those years, or it may be as traumatic as SA. but for whatever reasons we cling to certain childish obsessions all our lives. idk what a psychologist would say, but I dont see anything wrong with that unless it interferes with your functioning.
in other words it’s totally cool to collect plushies even if you’re 50 yrs old if that helps fill the void. Its ok to crave love & caring. Maybe that’ll guide you to the right partner, someone who’s a giver rather than a taker. Its tricky to navigate but I think you can keep the child alive while learning the functional routines of adulthood.
You already proved you can do the functional routines (graduating school) so I think you’ll be ok. Are you going to college/uni? Honestly for me that’s when my childhood really began. Continuing education is an easy way to remain a child.