rambling about my dumb life lol

I finished a show, Violet Evergarden (the character I drew above) yesterday for my movie class. It was very good, very beautifully animated and great soundtrack, the plot and the characters were awesome, definitely wanted more, but it’s probably a good thing the series is so short. Basically, Violet was raised in the military and taught to have no emotions/feelings or at least don’t show them, and everyone just considers her a tool. The Major, however, was the only person to treat her like a human and cared for her, and right before he died in an explosion in the war, he told her “I love you” and a big part of the series is her trying to find out what that means, along with understanding people’s feelings including her own. It also has the war guilt, survivor’s guilt, etc. Oh, she also lost both of her arms (she has metal/mechanical hands) and she’s only 14. It’s very good, but sad. Take it as you will, I guess.

Also, I was only about a week old when I found out there’s an Animal Crossing movie? So I found it online last night (a fan dub, official English dub wasn’t ever made). It’s a cozy feel-good movie, a coming-of-age story. The main character trying to find her dream and talent is relatable to me. It was fun to notice all the details (there was a LOT) I also really enjoy the animation of it (making it already better than most if not all live action video game movies) and overall, it was just a good watch. It’s not the best thing in the world, but it serves its purpose, at least for me.

This upcoming week is my last official week of school. We have lots of trips and a big breakfast on the last day, and then I suppose graduation practice, and that’s it. The last month flew by, and I felt numb for a lot of it. It’s overwhelming, especially having to consider the move and I’ve still yet to apply, because my dad and I still need to get some stuff done to be able to do that. I haven’t really felt excited about any of it. I feel a little better (ish) about it now, but I’m not really glad or excited, I just want it to be over. I’m still a child, I’m still pretty dependent and scared of everything. It’s pathetic of me, and it embarrasses me to admit that. It’s just a lot and it’s all about to come so fast. I’m worried that I can’t bring myself to face it, and I’m just going to be a dumb little shit for the rest of my life. A lot of change is coming. Yaaayyy (can’t you hear my totally not sarcastic enthusiasm? ahaha) On top of that, I’ll have to find someone, an actual therapist, I guess, since I can’t just talk to my school counselor forever.

On some lighter notes, a bunch of 5th graders in my mentoring class gave me a paper saying I was the best aide ever with their names signed on it. One girl made a little paper badge that said the same thing, but with my name on it, and I wore it all day. Another girl drew me a little frog with a mushroom hat :’) It was very sweet, and very surreal, I must admit. Strange. But not in a bad way. I barely ever did anything in that class, like I mostly played on my switch (due to the class it was they didn’t need my help much, plus I couldn’t help with math anyway, even at my age). Speaking of math, my math teacher gave me a little giraffe stuffie that can snap onto my wrist. I always drew giraffes on her worksheets, which turned out to be her favorite animal. I remember she said it always made her happy to look at them, so I was always sure to do it on every single worksheet. So she kept me after class for a minute and gave me the little stuffie. Oh, I did draw her one final giraffe as well. I hugged her and thanked her for dealing with my slow, stupid ass, and went on my way. It’s just crazy and overwhelming now.

Well, now we’re at moms for the weekend. I woke up feeling a bit low, and tired as always. Can’t really shake it off. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail about how I’m feeling, at least not right now. Trying to stay distracted as much as possible. On better things. There’s just so much shit. But it’ll be fine I guess. To the sorry soul who read this, thanks so much. Caring enough to read through or reply means a great deal to me. I hope everyone on here has a good or at least fair day, and that everything ends up okay for you all.