I thought I was this confident, stoic, and driven guy. I thought.
But nah I get myself in an interesting (fucked up?) situation. I start feeling so lost and, well, not me. I totally have lost myself. Maybe I was this guy. Maybe. If I was, I am definitely not anymore. I am so confused, jealous, insecure, overwhelmed, undisciplined, and fucking easy on myself. I hate it! It’s why I am so easily emotional and heartbroken these days. I thought I was ready. I thought I was different. But I’m fucking not. I’m just not.
2 comments
Yeah I relate
okay, is the sum of the unpleasant situation to do with internal status; motivation and emotion? Because if those problems are known, they are fixable. It would appear you’ve suffered a major setback on those two fronts. Perhaps you missed a threat, or overrated how reliable something was.
Self hatred in that situation is natural, but also usually unproductive. If shame could knock you back in line, you’d be functioning again now.
What matters is what you want to get done, and how realistic that is. If you expect to become without weakness or limits, that is currently beyond assured success. If you set your sights on achievable goals, you can do it.