the joy of the weakened flesh, sickness as success

Sometimes I wonder if I’m essentially non human, because I enjoy it more and more when I get sick. I’m sick right now, in some way involving my sinuses. It might just be an infection caused by allergies, it might be a bacteria or virus. Most of these pass within a few days.

but I tend to fight against being sick for as long as possible, only fully accepting it when I am too tired to deny it anymore.

To quote Elton John;

“There’s a calm surrender
To the rush of day
When the heat of a rolling wind
Can be turned away
An enchanted moment
And it sees me through”

so it takes all my effort just trying to keep my physical state from decaying more than it already is going to because I’m sick. Anyone wanting to challenge me is going to have to wait, because sickness is the ultimate excuse

there’s something of a fuck it attitude that I so enjoy being able to get away with. I’m not a jerk, because as someone sick so little is expected of me. If I can manage to be civil with others, that’s enough.

Meanwhile, sleep comes easier, wakefulness passes quicker, and I get a dry run for death. An infection of some sort is what kills most people that don’t manage anything more creative. I suspect it’s how I’ll die. Again, I feel odd that this makes me feel so good, so complete.

What a horrible existence, which even replaced with sickness is replaced well… ah, the foolishness.

Sickness is also the greatest kindness ever offered to the oppressed and exploited. Every major social movement forward has begun with a pandemic of some kind. We’re in the quiet between pandemics right now, but I trust there’s another coming. Healthy living is subservient living.