Today’s not really been that great. I’m just really depressed, and lonely, and constantly fighting my head. I picked up a game I havent played in awhile and played that for quite a while. It was nice… I’ve not had much energy for any of that. I also picked up a pencil and drew something for the first time in a month. Wasted a few hours on youtube, wasting data… but I dont really want quiet today, my thoughts are too loud. Today’s been wasted, like I waste all my other days. I feel like my existence is just a waste. I need to get into something again. Like a new game or show or something. I like analog horror stuff and things relating to the backrooms. And other things ofc. But I just need something different I guess. Something to keep my mind off of things for an extended period of time. I cant remember the last time I picked up a book and read. I bet my attention span has gone to shit and now I cant read anything anyway. Dracula was always a good read, and some of the cthulu mythos… not that I’ve read all of the stories in that yet. I’ve been drifting. Chasing anything on the internet that’s mindless noise because I cant handle too much silence anymore. I wish I could shut my brain off. I just feel so miserable
Here’s what I drew. I like it well enough. Drawing these soothe me despite the thoughts.
4 comments
I have been up for 25 hours straight, all because of my running thoughts. So this is super relatable.
I also loveee drawing eyes so that’s very appealing to me, nice job! It sorta reminds me of an exploding bird, which reveals the true hidden host deep within. Meant to watch us, like a drone. (sorry, not an art critic)
You know, something that kept me in an eerie fascination is the game “Cultist Simulator” (not as terrible as it sounds) it’s available for PC and phone. It’s old too, but I just found it not too long ago.
It’s nice to mess with the mechanics and the texts are poetic.
I also used to read one SCP story before going to bed. Maybe that will finally make me sleep..
People always say to surround ourselves with positive images, but nahh
Yikes, I hope you can get some sleep soon – man that must suck. Personally I struggle to sleep, until I do and then I can’t get myself up for anything.
And that’s a really cool way of looking at it, thanks so much :p I draw those eye things all the time when I’m up for it. (accurate angels, they call them – I like how they dont look humanoid as people have imagined them for years) It is supposed to have that watching/drone feel.
I’ll have to look into that game it does sound pretty cool, I’ll have to check it out – it’s right up my alley, honestly.
Haha sorry for the long reply, but thanks for replying and I hope you can sleep soon
Thanks for the words! Makes me glad to come here and read someone being similar in my struggles.
Oh, it’s angels? Cool, I hate these amor babies, ’cause I automatically think of them xD Yours are strangely soothing, I’d like to think someone gives me a nudge in the right direction sometimes, as not having to cross even more bad things in this life.
My art doesn’t resonate with crowds, they think it’s morbid, scary even. An art therapist looked at my paintings and said, it’s like I’m already half crossed into the beyond, especially with all these roses I’ve placed. Everything they’ve said, was pretty spot-on and I’m not frustrated about it. Words cannot always bring the message of suffering across.
Enjoy the game! Or whatever you do!
Awe, you’re so kind :’) funny enough drawing them is very soothing for me, idk if it’s the repetitive detail of the rings or wings (depending on which ones I’m drawing) but they’re very surreal and calming for me.
Art therapy? I’ve heard of that, maybe it’s something I could get into one day, if I ever decide to go to therapy or feel like I deserve it. Do you like it? Does it help, is possibly a better question? I guess venting through art in therapy would make sense. “Words cannot always bring the message of suffering across” EXACTLY. You worded this perfectly for me. I can’t word how I feel most of the time (getting better complaining on here) for that exact reason.
I will check the game out if I can! My laptop is really dumb and I’m not sure it will let me download it :< oh well I guess. Wishing you the best