this is going to sound really melodromatic but after thinking about what ive been thinking about
i think that i dont think i should be loved
i dont deserve people to care about me
most people i know are muslim and even then im a bad muslim too
i dont deserve people to care about me, i dont deserve to be religious, i dont deserve to be anything except on my own
i work hard and there are people who look up to me and i make it seem like my life is so easy and im happy and you know, one of them people who seem like nothing could ever go wrong for them.
but im not a good influence. i dont want people to look up to me and want to be like me. im a bad person. people shouldnt want to be like me.
2 comments
I’m not sure love is really a matter of deserving it or not. I think what matters is whether those who care about you really understand you, because then you can feel a sense of connection and acceptance. If you really believe in your religion, then I suppose the question to ask is why you’re not acting in a way that you feel would live up to that. If you don’t, then I could see why that could cause you to feel disconnected from those who might expect you to. But either way, I don’t think it would make you unlovable or unacceptable.
I agree with thehusk, deserving doesn’t enter into it. I think some people will claim to care about you, but they care about the idea of you, not who you are. Lots of people care about what you offer, and I guess in that context you can be undeserving
but with everyone I care about, there’s more to it than what that person does, and so they can’t be deserving.
I definitely get the liability of it, why you wouldn’t want people to care, more people to make sad and so on. Just not sure that there’s an opt out.
That is except with the extremely religious, since you mentioned it. Becoming non religious gets rid of a lot of people who only liked you for being part of the faith, regardless of what the faith is.
Even so, not everyone. I was religious, some time ago, and I’m explicitly not now. I lost some people that way, but in my mind they didn’t care about me to begin with, so I didn’t shed liability either.