Resentment

Me: one parent is dead (my dad – he was abusive anyway), mum is in a care home and can no longer do anything for herself. I live alone and in poverty. I want to work but no one is going to fucking hire anyone with almost no experience. My personality is too different to most people and I’m not really even good at anything.

My bf: parents with a nice house and good jobs and knowing that my bf always be able to go back to them if something goes wrong. He’ll always have a roof over his head. Good at and knowledgeable about many things.

And I’m supposed to want to live? What a sad joke. I’m building resentment for my bf in my head. I’ll never tell him, though. He doesn’t deserve that crap. But he seems so attracted to me that I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel I should ramp up the job search and of course get nowhere as usual. I feel that employers are too picky and only want ‘perfect’ candidates.

My grandma didn’t even wish me happy birthday and I’ve sent her an email and she never replied, I think she hates me for some reason but my aunt will still talk to me.

But my aunt cares much more about her own kids, which makes sense I guess.

I was going to write more but idk