perhaps i should just give up. just let it all consume me until death inevitably comes. stop trying. cut everybody off. stop making the effort to get out of bed. maybe…maybe that’s the route i should go. easier way, i guess. no matter which way i go, i’ll just feel like an awful burden to everyone. that’s what i am, i think. maybe im crazy, or delusional, or plain stupid. i dont know anymore. i cant imagine these feelings ever going away. and if certain people are just going to be absent for this long in my life then i just dont see the point.

to partner: its been months… why? i still love you… do you even think of me? 

i dont wanna get much further in that shit hole right now. but it really fucking hurts. it feels wrong to be angry. i know people including them ^ have mental health issues and just plain busy with existence. idk. hurts the most from them ^ though i think. oh well.

i just see no point. no matter what i say, or what i do, or dont say or dont do, im making someone out there miserable. and it makes me feel like total shit. and while i could be wrong, i guess, the way people act is what makes me think that way. apparently my stepdad feels hurt in some way because of us? or me specifically? according to mom. of course she refuses to elaborate. so i sit in tears all day knowing i’ve failed him too. i dont even know what i did. i dont know what i did exactly or didnt do for them ^ to stop talking again either.

a worthless effort. i should just give up. it doesn’t matter either way. im not getting any sort of gratification by not doing so. im just here. plagued by the lack of sleep in the night, and nightmares. they’ve been getting worse. much worse.

maybe i should just stop it all.

disappear and fade away from everyones minds forever.

i honestly doubt it’d be that hard.

the pain is becoming unbearable. fuck, im trying. guess i shouldnt bother.