How do you get out of a shitty situation when you do not have the HEALTH nor the MONEY to get out of it?
I absolutely need to move out of mom’s shitty filthy house. I am pissed I was conned into moving here and now that I’m here, I’m stuck.
It’s a fucking catch 22. Being in mom’s filthy place got me even sicker- I was already sick to begin with. Anyhow, now that I’m 100x sicker, I don’t have the health to leave. I want to expat to a 3rd world country where it’s cheaper. But can’t leave if I’m this sick. Not sure I’ll be able to make it if I go in the condition I’m in. Plus it’s not going to be easy there.
Catch 22- I need to move out of this disgusting place but I can’t move out bc I’m too sick, but being here is just making me sicker and sicker, so I need to leave. But I have nowhere to go. Everywhere in the US is too expensive and I don’t have a car to move out into the middle of nowhere where rent is more reasonable (still not cheap even if slightly cheap-er).
Anyhow, I’m fucking STUCK. I’m in a shitty filthy place with NO furniture, no appliances, nothing to cook anything with. But don’t want to plunk tons of money to buy shit either bc I know it’s not a place I should stay and got comfy in. Mom’s place is FUCKING DISGUSTING. Black bacteria everywhere. She keeps dirty stink pails of water in the bathroom. My area is semi-separate from hers but the wood is old and rotting and the air is stale. Likely mold/mildew in the old rotting wood. Bugs every fucking where, I get bit every fucking night by something.
I NEED TO LEAVE BUT HAVE NO PLACE TO GO.
How fucked up is that?
I am crying and screaming internally bc I know I’m in a fucked up situation and IDK how the fuck to get out of it. I feel so helpless and hopeless. Being here has made me 1000x sicker. And I was already sick and vulnerable to begin with. FUCK everything and everyone that put me in this situation. I never wanted to fucking be here and everyone was convincing me to come here, and now that I’m here NO ONE will fucking help me. SO FUCK EVERYONE. I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY. FUCKING ASSHOLES WHO WON’T HELP ME.
ANyhow, I am stuck. What do I do? I can’t stay here bc it’s a SHIT environment and I’m getting sicker by the day. But bc I’m so sick, I can’t easily just pick up and move. Especially international. Just hte thought of packing and clearing the place so mom doesn’t dump everything together and infect my stuff is a task in of itself.
I’m someone who physically struggles with just groceries, how the fuck am I supposed to manage packing and moving to a foreign country on my own?
IDK where else to go. Everywhere in the US is too expensive. I have no car to live in the cheaper areas. 3rd world country is my only option, but it’s not easy for a sick person to go on their own with no help and NO ONE in the new country to help me.
IDK. What do I do? What would you do?
I can’t stay but it’s like climbing Mt Everest to get out of here, move into a foreign country, and be able to navigate it and get everything I need with NO help whatsoever. I’m fucking disabled so WTF do I do?
I can’t even fucking kill myself bc I’d have to go to Mexico to get what I need, and that takes more physical energy than I have.
Meanwhile, my fungus is growing out of control here and it’s just getting worse and worse.
I need MONEY to get out of my situation.
I need to be HEALTHY enough to get out of here.
Everything is a fucking catch 22.
So I am STUCK.
You have no idea the pain I’m suffering. There’s depressed (been depressed for nearly 40 years) and then this THIS shit where you feel trapped and helpless, ESPECIALLY since you know being in this shit environment is getting you sicker.
I am scared to go overseas bc my fungus could get worse if I don’t get the exact things I need to keep it in check. And that’s even IF I can physically get out there. Tehre’s also banking and stuff I need to do b4 I go bc banking isn’t easy (no US banks, and ATM fees or wire transfer fees up to the wazoo if you use them). It also takes a LOT of physical energy to get all the things I need to get situated there. Like household items. It’s not easy to do these things when you’re sick and disabled and with NO help.
If I had physical help OR if I had gobs of money, then I could just pay to get everything done. That would be easy and simple. But no. Life couldn’t be simple like that.
I am dying. I am getting so sick being here. But being sick, I am not healthy enough to get out of here. So WTF do I do???
21 comments
Sounds like a bad environment for you and your mom…I wonder if there’s any way you can move together?
If she’s like really crazy, irrational and you can reason with her then I guess you’d have to leave her behind.
Clearly the first thing to try to do is get in a cleaner environment…chances are there are probably motels or hotels that would be better.
Ofc money is a problem too but if you can resettle in another nation…perhaps you have some to get you out.
Health comes first…without it you won’t be able to do anything else.
I’m assuming you have nobody you can stay with for a few weeks till you improve, like friends or other family members…no stone left unturned given how bad the situation is for you.
Here in Canada you’d be able to get social assistance and if you have some disability preventing you from working they’d give you more money…then you can rent a much better place than living with your mom.
I’m assuming you’re in the US so maybe they’re not as generous with their social assistance.
Gov’t is your best bet for money…to help you get you on your feet again. They should be able to cover medical expenses too.
Also instead of going to the third world, you’d be better off in places like Sweden, Holland, Germany and even Canada, but Europe might be easier to get benefits…here in Canada you’d have to pay into the system first.
That’s why so many migrants are running to western nations….it might be tougher to get approved now…but couldn’t hurt to try.
Also there’s free universal healthcare here as well after you become a Cdn citizen…similar in Europe.
You can also go to hostels, they’re pretty cheap usually….also women’s shelters, better than ending up on the streets.
You can also be someone’s roomate….short-term. Ofc anything would be an improvement compared to where you are now.
I’m fucked bc I live in the United Shithole of America. We are the only first world nation that don’t have universal healthcare, and we do not have much in social services. Part of the reason why I’m so pissed at life/being stuck here.
Sorry to hear, then America really is as terrible as people from the outside imagine…every rich nation should have a good social safety net, universal healthcare like we have here in Canada.
The US is great for starting a business…but too bad the Republicans gutted very necessary programs for people who are struggling and also for building infrastructure.
What’s worse is that the Dems aren’t doing anything about it either, though they promised to bring in more social programs and ‘Obamacare.’
Very hard to get in shelters. Even if I could, I can’t live in shelters. I’m guessing things are better in Canada. Here, the shelters are dangerous. If you aren’t rough, tough and able bodied, you shit will get stolen. Often there’s one big room and there’s dozens of ppl in that room. And usually there’s someone coughing or sick. Very gross in those places. I’m too sick to live in those kind of places.
Ya I figured shelters aren’t great places either…they’re about as you described from what I know. I guess Canadians might be a little more polite and nice but that’s more an image and people can be pricks here too.
You’re right, sharing a room with others is gross and a good way to get airborne diseases.
That’s the thing, I need a place for a few months. No, it’s not like I’ll be “better” in a few weeks- that’s the thing that healthy able bodied ppl don’t get. I will still be sick, but maybe less sick when I get out of this shitty place. Sharing has it’s issues too. I moved out of mom’s place and in with a friend and turned out her place what fucking disgusting too- flea infested and just fucking dirty af. My fungus grew first at mom’s gross place and then at my friends gross place.
I moved out to a sublet, cost a ton, but I better off as it was CLEAN and my fungus was kept in check. Problem is, once it spreads, it’s a nightmare. In the sublet, it didn’t grow further, but keeping it in check was an ordeal. But coming here, the fungus grew out of control, and now it’s all over.
i feel like throwing in the towel and just giving up. but i can’t even do that when they make offing ourselves so fucking difficult.
That’s my problem- I don’t have any GOOD options. I can’t go to shelters, I can’t share places with ppl (unless they are super clean and most places aren’t, especially shelters and hostels), what few there are are so difficult to get in,
Trust me, I WISH I could move to Europe, especially to a Scandinavian country. But it’s very difficult to move to anywhere in Europe, especially the good countries. They usually require you to have a good-paying job in order to live there. Or have parents/spouse that’s a citizen there. You can’t just up and move there. Trust me I wish I could.
But yes, I need to get out of here. I am getting sicker and sicker here. I just can’t go from one dumpster fire to another, bc that’s what happened- I moved in to mom’s 2nd floor, it was gross af, I left, moved in to my friends only to find out her place is also nasty af, fleas everywhere and I got bitten by spiders that left scars on my face. Yeah it was bad. Didn’t know her place was filthy. Left one dumpster fire only to end up in another dumpster fire.
Moving back and forth and being in 2 gross environments got me super sick and fungus growing everywhere. Things got better at the sublet i went to after bc it was CLEAN (at least the bedroom and bathroom) but that wasn’t without issues either.
It’s difficult sharing a place with other ppl with their schedules and noise ad being woken up. It’s hard finding a GOOD place with QUIET roommates and QUIET neighbors. Rooming isn’t as easy as you think. And despite having roommates, it still wasn’t cheap. And where I was, even though it wasn’t ideal, I know it’s still better than most places. But it was expensive for me, and I’m sensitive to noise, and now that everyone’s “working from home,” it’s impossible to find a good roommate situation.
I read your other posts above and figured I’d reply here…like you I’m also sensitive to noise. But you summed up everything well…we all need a clean, safe, hygienic and quiet environment to be healthy and then to be able to work.
You did make an interesting suggestion for an income earlier, you mentioned working from home. There are legit companies out there that do call center work and maybe other jobs you can do from home.
Ofc I realize you’re not in a position to work just yet-but if you can get your health sorted out, then you might be able to at least work from home and generate an income, plus they offer flexible hours.
Additionally hopefully you have a car…that can be used for work too…and some ‘transport’ jobs can pay a lot if you know the right people to talk to. I won’t say any more but you can read between the lines.
Having gone rough times in my life, I learned ages ago to set aside some cash in case I experienced hard times again…because you don’t know what can happen in life, job loss, health problems (as you’re going through). It’s not a lot of money but enough to allow me to move if I have to or take a trip.
I agree with everything you said about the US, it’s dog-eat-dog out there. It’s a sad thing to see, esp. with one of the richest nations in the world. But it’s going to require change at the political level, which could take decades, if at all.
I wish you the best and hope you’re able to find a good solution for yourself…perhaps you’re right, might be more affordable to like in a 3rd world country. Thailand is considered a good place to live since it’s ‘cheap’ but also had first world standards. Like you can get a nice condo or house there for a fraction of what it costs here.
Ofc first things first, which is to get you into a good place so you can physically recover.
But everything takes money, I was think if you could rent or buy a cheaper van which you could live in. Some people also live in tents…but it’s risky you’d want to find a remote safe place and ofc you’d need a car to get you around. Tough situation…but do post if you figure something out.
It’d be nice if there was a rich benefactor to bail people out in situations like yours. Heck if I was a millionaire, I’d do you a one time favor if I could.
Yes, if I had enough money, I could afford to live in a better apt in a better city/country. If I had money, I could expat to a better country. I can only go 3rd world, and even then, I can’t afford to pay everyone to do everything I need. It would be easy if I could do that. That would literally solve all my problems since I’m sick and disabled and need help. But when you’re sick and disabled, you generally don’t have money to pay ppl to help you. SO hence I am STUCK.
Life is fucking bullshit if you live in a shitty country. Yes, USA is shitty. We are fed such propanganda of how wonderful America is.
Reality is 80% of American’s live paycheck to paycheck, 50% of all American’s can’t afford a $400 emergency. America is a “land of opportunity” only for the wealthy.
Yes I’m fucking bitter bc I see all the corruption here, and the rich are fucking over the masses, especially the poor, and I am one of the poor.
I just need a break in life- someone to grant me enough money to spend on (real) healthcare and a nice place to live for at least 2-5 years, then I can get healthy enough. But realistically, that’s never going to happen.
I don’t know the exact answer. What I do know is there is no cypher can’t be cracked, no security that can’t be circumvented, no prison that can’t be escaped. Half of the whole thing is theater, the intimidation of seemingly insurmountable odds…. doubt that, for a start, anyone can break out.
It’s one of the few things that have been a constant light to me; people trust fallible systems, and most of the time the missing ingredient is a willingness to challenge convention.
and you only have to defeat one path, one of the multitude of obstacles you have to deal with. examine each carefully, one direction is easier to go than the others. That’s what I’d do, heck that IS what I’m doing. My faith in the incompetence of others is absolute, people are lazy often useless sacks of shit, same as the rest of us. Most of them get a small amount of satisfaction and that’s enough…. so why would they fight you if you find a way around them?
*shrug* and I might be wrong. When I collect enough evidence to support that, then I’ll develop a new outlook. but there’s always hacking credit card databases, or robbing banks. Neither of those take a particularly large amount of money or health. Not that either is a viable plan A, or even B or C, but at some point you’ve got to come to that; is your morality worth more than whatever suffering you are experiencing?
then again, we’ve established that I’m an amoral oppertunist. That’s what seems to be necessary
well there’s a problem right there. even if i wanted to, and no i don’t want to engage in illegal shit that can get me in trouble, i wouldn’t know how to hack in the first place.
if it’s not viable, then that’s not a solution. i need a solution to my money and health problem. the sad fact is that they are TIED to each other, i can’t get one without the other and i can’t get the other without the one. its fucking madness!! it’s keeping me trapt in this hellhole.
I know your health isn’t good so you probably lack the energy, but I was thinking could it be possible to clean up your mom’s house, or at least one room that’ll allow you live in a clean environment?
If it’s mold on the wall it can be cleaned, if its behind the drywall, like a more serious problem requiring contractors, then ofc not much can be done.
But if I was in your situation….I’d do whatever I could to make that environment livable. Ofc if that’s not possible and there’s no other place in her house that’s clean…then you’d need to move elsewhere.
Maybe there’s a city nearby where rents are cheaper and the places are nicer?
NO- you have no idea how bad it is. There is NO saving mom’s place. Now my single room I suppose I could BUT I don’t even have the energy for that. I wipe as much as I can but no matter how much I wipe (I do a section at a time), the next day dust just accumulates again.
The room is just not suitable. Moms place isn’t suitable. There isn’t a washer and dryer either so I can keep clean. And going to laundromat is extremely hard on me physically, plus that means going into the humidity at least 3x to go in and out of the laundromat.
There *isn’t* any place cheaper I can go to that is the problem. Any place that’s cheap-er is going to require a car that I don’t have.
And I can’t leave yet again for yet another place- going back and forth to 4 places in the last 8 months got me this fucking sick. When you’re so sick, you can’t go back and forth to a new place. And each new place has it’s own issues. Even if I rent a place, there’s going to be issues. Renting short term would mean subletting a room, and there’s noise and whatever else. I can’t spend ALL my energy looking for a new place and then settling in and buying new crap and walking all over the new neighborhood to find the stores i need to buy stuff.
When you’re sick and disabled and have chronic fatigue, you just can’t do that
Thats why I’m so stuck. It’s different if I already knew a place I can go to that I know what it’ll be like, but it’s another when you go online and search for a sublet. You never know what kind of shit conditions you’ll run into, or how the roommates are or such. It takes A LOT of work running around looking for a place. I care barely go to the store to get food so I don’t starve. It’s just not possible.
It’s way too much energy expenditure for something temporary. I cannot stay in the US long term. Everything is too fucking expensive.
But where I am now I can’t keep clean. ANd there’s so much fucking humidity both in the shitty house and in the dirty city. It’s aggravating my skin condition and spreading the fungus. It’s so out of control now that if I move anywhere and I *don’t* have all my anti-fungal stuff right away, it’ll spread.
It’s really fucking difficult. How do you sublet a room in another state and just *hope* the sublet is suitable? I’d want an apt and not a room but you can’t find an apt, only rooms.
Anyhow, I’ve rented rooms enough to know that ppl are fucking difficult to live with, they’re either loud or dirty or have issues. I mean, the last place, they were annoyed I put too much stuff in the fridge when I only took up one of the 2 bins in the freezer and a little space in the fridge.
And the place before that was a fucking pigsty. They have a cleaner come every 2 weeks, so it’s clean ONLY for 1-3 days. By day4 it was fucking GROSS. They literally throw stuff onto the floor. They don’t care about any mess bc they’re like, oh well, someone will come in 2 weeks to clean it all. So they live like slobs. You can’t tell how dirty it is when you see the place right after the cleaners come.
Also the fucking dog had FLEAS. It was so fucking gross.
So no, I can’t rent a room.
And no place lets you rent a whole apt unless you do a lease or it’s longer term. AND it’s expensive as hell. Hell, it’s expensive JUST to rent a single room.
It’s all so fucking difficult.
And I don’t have a car so I am limited in where I can live.
I need out of this shithole but the ONLY place I can go is overseas to 3rd world country but going there is going to have it’s problems too. I need my certain antifungal stuff- no i can’t bring it with me it’s liquid and no i can’t buy it there bc it has to be a very specific brand bc not all brands work, and most don’t.
And if I don’t have my anti-fungal stuff right away it’s going to grow. They won’t have any of that there. Not the specific stuff I have to get on Amazon. There is no Amazon delivery there. There is no online ordering. You have to be healthy enough to go to store to store to store to find what you need and it’s exhausting af
Anyhow, I don’t mean to poo-poo on your suggestions, it’s just that I have thought of EVERY fucking scenario and my health being what it is and my ability to walk and do things is what it is, and what my fungus is what it is, is making EVERY fucking thing impossible.
What I need is a clean apt with furniture (everything equipped without me having to buy drawers, cups, pots, pans etc) and with washer and dryer and CLEAN floors so I can walk barefoot and do my back stuff on the floor. RN I can’t bc the floor is gross here. I wipe and wipe the floor and somehow dirt and dust are everywhere. Also, even if the floor is wiped, the wood itself is gross.
-I don’t have access to a washer and dryer in the house.
-I don’t have an AC unit that works properly to keep the room cool and the humidity down. That is a HUGE problem.
Well I also don’t have any kitchen appliance (no stove no oven no microwave no pots no pans) to cook either. SO I’m not eating right not having any of that. And I don’t want to run around spending time energy and money to sink into a place that is not suitable.
I need to leave here ASAP to go overseas (who knows if that’ll even work out) but when you’re sick and chronically ill it’s not fucking easy.
That’s the thing that you and everyone else don’t get- I know you’re trying to help but just doing the BASIC things is hard on me physically, let alone deep clean a room or clean my mom’s nasty place. Just removing bedsheets and putting on new ones is hard task. Yes, it’s THAT bad. That is why I am fucking STUCK in this hellhole. Once I got here, I couldn’t get out.
And being forced to move from my old place to 4 different places took a physical hit. I can’t be moving from place to place.
I HAD to bc mom’s place was gross, I then left to my friends place only to find out her place was also fucking disgusting, went to a sublet that was better but even then it was hard bc I was in a loft that had no door. It was clean though so there was that. But it was expensive and I moved into the “studio” thinking I would be okay here but no, mom didn’t think I needed a fucking WORKING AC in this goddamn heat. Fucking bullshit.
Anyway, I’m fucking stuck. This place has NOTHING- like no furniture, no kitchen appliances, no pots pans plates, no drawers to put my stuff in, NOTHING. And I don’t want to spend shitloads of money to furnish this place so it’s liveable. Also it takes so much out of me physically to get furniture and furnish this dump. In the end, it’ll still be humid af, the city is dirty af, and there still won’t be a washer and dryer in this house, and the walls will still be stale and old.
I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HELLHOLE. But it’s not easy to just up and move international to a new foreign country where I don’t know the language, don’t know anyone, don’t know where anything is. Just the packing and finding the right flight is hard bc there’s luggage issues and transfer issues. It’s not as simple as booking a flight and bam there you are.
3rd world countries have their own issues.
SIGH- long story short is I NEED a suitable place to live NOW. But I can’t find one in the US and I am having trouble getting out of here to go overseas.
When you literally struggle with basic things like changing the bedsheets and getting groceries, you can’t just pick up and go.
When you are sick you just aren’t capable of “just packing.” Or just hopping on a plane. Or just find a new place.
I have to literally map every step I take. It’s not easy when you’re disabled and NO ONE to fucking help you.
I’m so fucking PISSED they make me leave the other place. At least I had everything set up there, more or less. I had a futon, I had a mattress.
Where I am now the mattress is so bad, I literally have back pain from it. But I don’t want to go running around buying a new bed when I need to furnish the WHOLE stinking place to make it liveable. And like I said, it’s not just the money. It’s the energy to go running around and searching for stuff.
I fucking can’t do any of that.
Just packing up is hard bc it’s not easy to get rid of everything in the room and put it upstairs. Can’t trust mom to do jack shit bc last time she threw my FUNGUS filled slippers on TOP of ALL my stuff on my desk. Fucking stupid. How do you NOT know you can’t put dirty shoes on TOP of a desk or on top of books/papers/electronics?
I’m at wit’s end. IDK what to do. I need to leave but have nowhere to go. Like I said, I can’t just fly to a new state and sublet a room that easily. Rooming has SO many unforeseen issues. Went through 2 in the last few months. That’s how I ended up here. If it was good where I was, I would’ve never come here.
To put it in perspective, doing the laundry or getting food is like climbing Mt Everest. Taking a plane is like running around the Sahara desert. Imagine your sickest time in your life. Probably a normal flu for you. Imagine that, except you NEVER get better. And that’s literally EVERY DAY for a chronically ill person.
I’m so tired of being sick and tired. I honestly just want my misery to end, except they make doing THAT hard too.
Basically I’m spending HOURS a day every day taking care of my skin fungus bc I have to, and spending time and energy putting out all these small fires (constantly cleaning the floor, sink, toilet, tub, bc it keeps getting dirty after a few days, bc there’s bacteria growing everywhere and i can’t get rid of it, that I can’t focus on ACTUALLY making progress with anything. i can’t slack off on any of those things either bc then it’ll get out of control and it’s not healthy.