I’ve thought of something truly awful, probably my worst idea ever, some really evil actions that would feel amazing to execute.
but they’re all bad ideas. Why? because I had them. I’m wrong, I wake up in the morning wrong before I even thought, because I thought, how dare I?! I tell you I’ve got a lot of nerve, with all this thinking.
To be fair, it’s entrapment, I was told to think. All my training led me to believe that solving problems was a way to decreasse suffering. So even in my awful ideas, I’m trying to decrease pain, if not mine, someone’s.
I feel so inept, so useless. I almost want to do these horrible things just because I think I could succeed at it. My ask, I felt, was so low, I just wanted to earn enough to pay down my debt and keep myself alive. Too much. So then I just wanted to keep myself alive, too much. Anyone who says this is a temporary problem hasn’t been stuck in Oklahoma.
So what can you do? What can anyone do? Productivity is locked away, the means to work is a market cornered by the rich. So you get rid of the rich, right? That’s how you solve it, taxation….. aparently even THAT is too much. I propose doing horrible things to rich people, such that they either decide to stop being rich, OR they look after their fellow man. I’m thinking there’s a minimum amount of carnage and pain that it would take to get the message across.
bad ideas. Everywhere I look are bad ideas. I’m not cruel enough, that’s the real issue. What I really needed was my current intellect AND a childhood dominated by abuse. Not that I’d wish abuse on anyone, even myself. As I said, bad ideas all the way down. I was set to lose when the game started, I’m only realizing that now.