-Daily irritation in general due to my own situation.
-General reminders that loved ones and others have been through a lot of crap and that I’ve lived the good life in comparison, a lot of do better, you’re smarter than this talk.
-Me KNOWING and UNDERSTANDING ALL OF THIS, but at this point knowing that explaining myself or trying to tell anyone what goes on in my head is pointless and gets me nowhere except having people I care for angry at me for whatever the case is.
-Me wanting to get myself out of the situation, to stop burdening the few people who do give a shit, and not wanting them to have to deal with my shit but being unable to due to money and the fact that my brain’s fucked because lack of sleep and fatigue regardless of what I do or don’t do.
-Me wanting to just not eat.
-Me putting in so much time toward finding a new job and being sick of my current one that it’s driving me mad. Still haven’t gotten a new job despite some interviews going well and getting back to 2nd rounds, while still trying to maintain the current job to not be broke.
-Having a CPAP machine that I rarely use because dry throat and just sleep difficulties.
– Keeping to myself a lot, grew up very sheltered. Feeling abnormal compared to most people.
-Angry because I have nothing really saved, everything I have goes to food, rent, inet, phone bill, light. In serious debt but can’t pay anything because I’m so broke.
– Repeat daily.
Worst thing is I don’t even know how to explain any of this to work or how to include it in job apps, haven’t been diagnosed with anything except something that affects my ability to sleep and that has some side effects.
I vent here, because I don’t know how else to help myself except just sit at the computer and frantically find another job before things get worse.
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7 comments
1- This is exactly what the elite ruling class want- a working class that lives hand to mouth, paycheck to paycheck, with lots of debt and nowhere to go to improve their situation. The system was designed that way, there is nothing ‘accidental’ about what’s going on.
2- Dude, what are you saying? That you want to tell prospective jobs your health and mental issues?
3- lol nothing like “friends and family” who tell you you’re oh so lucky compared to others so therefore stop complaining
1. Yeah, it’s just insane.
2. I figure it would help the situation at least a little.
3. It sucks. It’s never that simple.
2. no, you can’t tell your prospective employers about any of your issues. if you do, they won’t hire you.
if you are looking for a job you really CANNOT tell them about any kind of mental illness.
my job that i have been at for over 15 years is great about encouraging staff to get therapy. we have “training” about being happier or burn out and covid trauma, etc. we can take days off without giving any reason. if we have leave we can use it. we can go home if a customer has upset us. we can come in late if we are having a rough day. they are really great. probably because of what we do.
but i doubt even they would hire somebody who told them in an interview they had depression or something else. once a person is hired and family then ok. but before then… nope.
folks tell you to think about how lucky you are compared to others because for some people this works. some people REALLY find pleasure in being better off than somebody else. some people really are more grateful when they think they could be worse off like so and so down the street. personally i think those kind of people get jealous easy. #ijs.
i think i was in college when i realized KNOWING why i felt depressed- physical reason- emotional reasons- genetic reason- environmental reason- did not make me feel better. sometime it might help to prevent some of the feeling but rarely. like eating the right food. not hanging around certain folks. exercising. etc. etc. but really my mood was always temporary. my desire to not exist never goes away. just doing those moments i do not think about it. that is all.
for me knowing the why make me FRUSTRATED. cuz i cannot change myself. i have tried. i am now resigned. i still do stuff like exercise and eat right and hang out with folks that make me happy and entertain myself with things that my mind not think about ME fora few blessed moments.
but the desire to not exist. still there. always.
I’m with you there. This anger and irritation just won’t go away, but getting a better job where I make more to start saving and put towards dealing with my expenses would be a start.
Not finding squat though.
I have no issue with perspective. The biggest thing is that at some point it gets a bit much to keep hearing it over and over. No shit, there are people who don’t have internet, who have shit families, who are completely alone in life, etc etc. I get all of that. But the argument makes it seem like you’re just the problem despite those things if it doesn’t help you personally, and nothing will fix the problem.
Does therapy or meds work for some of you? Idk I just need to switch my trajectory but a lot of what’s going on currently is just not helping.