I can’t. I JUST CAN’T ANYMORE!!!
So I just put in a search for a former friend of mine from College/JHS. Apparently she is now the DIRECTOR of Information Security at some company. FUCKING A. She was my friend but she is dumb as a rock. By dumb I mean DUMB. This girl LITERALLY flunked out of my university for having <2.0GPA. Her GPA was a 1.7. That’s a COMBINED AVG over a 2 year period. Four semesters of consistently flunking everything.
She got kicked out and had to transfer to another school. She went to an expensive private school, but one that anyone can get in. Apparently, that's where all the rich ppl's kids go to, so while in that university, she met someone that hooked her up at a sweet IT job in a prestigious company, and made a shit ton of money right out of college. Meanwhile, I graduated my last semester at my uni, the uni that kicked her out for having low grades, with a final semester GPA of 4.925, and I can't find a damn job in Finance bc I graduated 3 mo after 9-11. Grrrreat. Meanwhile SHE flunked out of my school, connected with a bunch of rich kids whose parents were all somebody's- CEOs, VPs, etc, and she is just having the most best blessed life.
Meanwhile, I can't catch a fucking break. I skipped a grade of school, finished HS in 3 years, started taking college classes at 15. I worked 3 jobs in college AND did unpaid internships EVERY fucking semester, WHILE taking a FULL load AND a half of courses. Even then, I still had to join the military to help pay for college bc I had no family to help me pay a single PENNY. Oh, I was only 94 POUNDS when I joined the military so I was tiny af, next to guys that were fucking 6’2. Tiny bc I grew up malnourished due to lack of food and nutrition. But I managed to make it through the military, through sheer grit and determination.
I started working literally at age 9. At a fucking sweatshop. Born to parents that beat the living shit out of me since age 7.
And here I am, unemployed and unemployable bc I am now disabled (car ran me over while I was crossing the street bc the driver was an asshole that didn’t feel like stopping at a red light). Even before that when I WAS working, I made shit salary.
There's a ton of other ppl just like her who just get lucky in life. In her case, she's a former friend so I don't hate her, but there's a TON of others that just don't fucking deserve the sweet life they have. Amazing jobs. Amazing husbands. Amazing life. Half of them are idiots, and the other half are lazy as shit. Yet somehow THEY fucking wind up living the BEST fucking life.
Meanwhile, I'm poor as fuck, I'm disabled, I'm single, alone, and have a shit ton of health problems. I’m currently dealing with a horrible fungal infection that is nasty, ugly, and painful af. Like open sores painful.
I'm just so sick of this fucking life.
I can't. I just can't anymore.
I know “life isn’t fair” BUT FUCK ME.
And ppl wonder WHY I’m so fucking angry at life.
8 comments
You should try reconnecting with your rich friend. Maybe it’s a potential foot in the door to that kind of life.
I don’t work in IT. I don’t have any knowledge or skills in that area. I worked in Finance. Besides, I’m disabled now. Getting a job now is *not* the point of the story.
Sorry
heh, irony is that the whole being burnt out with the job market came up in therapy today, before I got around to reading your post. It’s weird because there were parts of it I hadn’t even been able to speak about until today, I’ve tried to write about it a few times.
Yeah, a lot of people I thought would never amount to anything managed to score good jobs…. to be fair at least half of them have been laid off in the last year. My closest friend, the one with two bachelors degrees and a masters is currently working at a convenience store…. just more credit to the concept that education doesn’t count for much anymore.
Oh, AND today was the deadline for me to try and fix my disability application, and I chose to live with whatever they decide. If I was that organized…. I wouldn’t be applying. I really don’t know what I’m going to do next, in general.
but that’s why I keep my mood low, is what I explained to my therapist, get frustrated or ambitious then I’m apt to be screwed. You can’t screw someone who doesn’t care, and that be me.
This pseudo society is built off of, and powered by unfairness. Make everything fair and it will collapse. For winners to exist there must be losers, for winners to be revered there must be a massive ratio of losers vs winners.
This friend likely made some sacrifices to get where she was. For many people it is perhaps a few sessions in the bedroom to get favours, destroyingg oneself from within ,to lose the sense of morals that hold one back from success in the cesspit.
Some people are just born with the tools to outfit them in this life and the effectiveness of ones dispositions for success are definitely not conguent with school grades. If anything good grades only reflect one’s propensity to work hard at making others rich.
If you are anything like me then it will not feel but is really the case of not being made at all for this world. It took me 33 years to find any kind of self confidence, and at that it’s miniscule.
Alas some people here thrive and others just survive, it’s why I refuse having kids. There’s nothing here for anyone who has even partially my attribute.
It’s been my personal experience, as well as watching others, that the more ruthless and selfish a person is, the higher they climb the ladder, as well as the sweeter their personal life is, especially for the ppl who masquerade as “nice” when they are manipulative and plotting on the inside.
Grades aside, I am venting in fury *because* hard work, intelligence and meritocracy don’t mean shit in this society. It’s all who you know, how much you bootlick, and how nice you “pretend” to be on the outside.
Nice, hard working, intelligent ppl just don’t get anywhere in life. Case in point- me.
And it’s turning me bitter and no longer a “nice” person. But…not being nice is hurting me even more now so…not exactly a win by not being “nice” anymore.
I gotta say, I am impressed by your intelligence and work ethics! I think we all here knew about it already. I just like to put the pieces together, on how everyone has spent their lives and understand the sp-user better. I really think I’m lacking a lot of intelligence or knowledge in a lot of areas at least.. so no, this isn’t a fake compliment. You deserve(d) to be recognized.
I would be p*ssed off too. Unfortunately there’s always people that just glide through life effortless. I mean we can’t really blame it on them, it doesn’t change that fact. In the end we’ll think: damn, what do I need to improve on, or rather: what do I need to grade down on, to get where she is?
But ah, the fact that she was already in an environment full of posh, explains a lot.
Also, do you really think/know, that she is “dumb” or was the school system not laid out for her? I am not a huge fan of a grade-system in school, because everyone has different strengths/weaknesses that have to be recognized.
My friend is currently trying to get out of her company she works at, because she actually studies like a maniac and is pretty smart. But some new girl that isn’t nearly as capable, gets the same pay, when she works her a$$ off. It’s bad everywhere, man. I’m sorry it all went to hell for you and I hope you’ll find the right thing (doesn’t even have to be work)
oh she really is dumb, not just academically. i know plenty of ppl who are smart but are not academics. she is neither. i’ve known her since jhs and just basic common knowledge or plain logic, she doesn’t get. so yes, she is dumb as a rock. but what she is good at is with people. and that’s why she’s the director. bc she is personable and ppl like her.