I was curious. Real curious. That extremely brief window when everyone was out of the house, I tried to open it. I tried the usual password, my birthday, and my brother’s birthday. He had foresight. My parents have known I was suicidal since Highschool. Of course he’s going to have a passcode I don’t know. I wasn’t going to do the deed. I was just curious. Wanted to feel the weight of it in my hand. I thought about trying some more, but I’m afraid it will permanently lock and alert him someone tried to get in to it. Don’t want that talk.
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I’m curious too. small difference, I expect to satisfy that curiousity. If I succeed at my scheme to move to the country, I’m going to need a few things that I can’t allow myself access to while depressed. A lockbox of some sort seems the obvious choice.
but I have access to means right now, literally, though not as lethal means as that…. there are specific stopgaps that keep me from getting to them. Sometimes I do grab my kit and think about it…. and that’s as far as it gets. Psych background gave me waaaay too much info about how to end it.