It is upon me. Like I’ve mentioned before, there’s alsways that one week of the semester that really screws me. Everything is due and I scramble. Now it’s here. TBH I felt worse about it this morning, but I think I might actually make it. Maybe. Hard to say.
I flipped a stupid coin to see whether or not I’d google her or not. Just to try and see her face. She doesn’t have any pics online from what I can tell. A facebook and linkedin that I can’t access due to now wanting to create/log in to an account. She’s in grad school apparently. I remember she said she was on the fence about it last time I talked to her like a year and half ago. She’s gone but I still can’t forget her yet. I realized when you try and forget someone like that the good and the bad memories start becoming fuzzy. Either you actively try to remember or forget. It’s a matter of weighing the good and the bad. In this case maybe the bad outweigh the good? It’s not like she actively cared about me, even when we were talking. Just getting a hold of her to talk took a lot of work. It is what it is.
I was working late last night at one of the school buildings and apparently there was some party thing going on on that floor so there was pizza for everybody. Took two slices. Had no idea what it was for. I was eating and I saw a small distance across from me a girl leaning against the wall. Not talking to anyone or eating. Just looking around. She was pretty. I kept going back and forth on whether or not to compliment her shoes. They were converse. I like converse. Eventually someone else came by to talk to her. I thought it was for the best. Let them be people. I’m not people.
I’m drunk a little. Almost fell asleep. I should go to bed in an hour. I’ve been going to bed at 4 and waking up at like 11. Need to get up early on monday to present. I really am alone in the universe. There really is nothing for me out there. I’m alone in my apartment. I’m alone when I go to a resturaunt or the movies or the arcade. I’m alone when I go on campus. You always think that there is supposed to be some sort of resolution to everything. But there isn’t.