Next week everything is due. I’m beyond fucked. Both projects are absolutly no where near finished. For the first project I really screwed up. I basically sandbagged my partner several times that kept the project from going. He would probably have gotten more done if I didn’t insist that I could get it done. He also has two other projects to work on.
For the second project, I rolled the worst dice imaginable with my partners. One of them is an “influencer” getting paid to make “content” so he can’t do fuck all. The other just kind of sits there waiting to be told what to do. I can’t direct him every step of the way while I’m working. I’m not going to make him work on this project. He has to take the intiative. I’m not particularly mad about it. I can only control my actions, not other people’s. If this project fails, it’s on me.
I misplaced my laptop charger and had to go buy one at best buy. Ubered there when it opened up. When I found out last night I was furious. Ofcourse something like this had to happen now. I was cursing God. Giving the finger to just the general air around me. Fucking prick has screwed me my entire existance.
I can’t do all nighters. I can’t. I know if I do it several times in the span of a week, I will become hypomanic. Probably manic after that. I’ll be damned if I spend my birthday in a fucking center.
Even now I am procrastinating. I just needed to get somethings off my chest. I don’t know if this is going to work. I don’t know if anything is going to work out. I’m scared. My heart feels tight. But I will just have to accept whatever comes.