“Where did my time go? Can I go back in time?” Very much this. Realising how long it’s been, how old I am, desperately wanting to go back.”
“will I be able to still make something out of it?” The older I get, the clearer it becomes how limited the future I’ve created for myself is. I have to face that most of my desires aren’t attainable anymore, if they ever were. That my chances of even scraping the minimal amount of contentment are highly unlikely, and in most cases the best I can do is try to find some way to accept the loss.”
Don’t want to hijack your post @thehusk so I’m posting here.
OMG, THIS is why I am all the more depressed.
Yes, there is SO much time that has been lost, in my case due to depression and health issues. I’ve already lost my whole childhood due to abuse, and now my whole adulthood has been taken from me due to health. And ill health in turn turned my depression into full gear.
I left the abuse at 17, but I became sick at 25, so I only had a few years where I was “ok.” Then 28 is when the car accident happened, and all of life went downhill FAST and FURIOUS. I have not been ok physically since. I have not had any help, which doesn’t help either, when just a little bit of help would make a world of difference to me. Since I am sick, NO ONE IRL wants to be near me and be friends, no relationship, nothing. So then ofc that leads to loneliness and depression. And the bitterness eventually set in a few years ago when ppl have been nothing but cruel to me.
Anyhow, point is- I have lost SO much TIME, and the older I get, the more sick I get, and the LESS time is left. LESS chance of good things happening, of a good happy life.
How does one NOT get depressed in that case? I know some of you guys on here are very young, teens, 20s, etc. When you’re young, you still have a chance. What chance do we have the older we get? Our chances of “things will be better” get less and less the older we get.
I feel like I have been robbed of a life, being sick since 2005, then in 2008, then more in 2014-2016, then 2020-2023. It’s endless health issues after health issues.
Anyhow, I just idk anymore. I don’t want to suicide but I can’t take this shit life anymore. So I’m stuck in this hellhole called “life.”
It would just be easier if I was committed to suicide. At least that’s A decision. But I don’t want to give up after struggling so hard- it would all have been for nought. Plus the high likelihood of surviving all fucked up from the attempt.
So now what? I’m stuck. I’m not moving forward in life. It’s like treading water backwards when you’re headed for a cliff. That little attempt isn’t going to stop you from the inevitable. It’s not enough.