Idk what I’m doing on here – I mean, I’m no different than I am any other time. Today was alright. Was able to hang w my little sister for awhile. Showed her how to play Skyrim a bit, fucked around. It was fun. I may or may not have had to do most of the work, but I was fine with it ahaha. Also, idk what’s up mom’s ass lately, but I’m getting tired of it. The passive aggressive “oh you could do x, y, z for me/us, since you don’t ever do anything” or acting like I’m the most disgusting, vile creature on the earth for, god forbid, not showering every single day. Or, my all-time favorite, when I try to say my piece, she says she “just gives up, and misses how I used to be her little girl that never questioned her. not once. never argued…” You don’t seem to give up when ya needed nearly three thousand fucking dollars though, huh? Funny how that shit works. She’d be surprised just how much I really bite my tongue. I still have yet to be paid back, and I know much better than to even expect it – and I wouldn’t dare ask. But yeah. The “giving up” comments in particular every time I try to – you know – say my side of things, really been biting me lately. I’m not rude about it, either. Surely not, I wouldn’t think. Half the time she literally just cuts me off anyway. I didn’t realize I had so much to say on this matter ahaha. I should stop – I shouldn’t talk shit on my mom, I’m already enough of an asshole as is.

I’ve forced myself to draw a bit more, seeing as I’ve been in a slump for months. I really enjoy oceanic horror concepts, monsters, etc, if it wasn’t obvious ahaha. Not my favorites, really. I’ve decided for the little notepad I’m on (50 sheets) I’m gonna make it themed – underwater horror – hence the Cthulhu drawing on my last post. Idk thought it was a near idea. Maybe I can actually go through with an idea, for once. Big maybe. But, in the end, does it really matter if I do or not? Will I even feel like I did something significant? I guess if we’re wanting to be… logical, or reasonable, this isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things. I’m supposed to be starting my life, getting my shit together… putting myself in the endless cycle of mindless work and the rat race of life like the rest of the poor souls of the world. Drowning in chaos. I guess that’s part of why I’m doing more ocean horrors – a stupid symbolism of drowning. I know, I know, that’s cringe as hell. I don’t even have a defense for it, lmao. Oh well.

Everything is chaos. I’m just tired