don’t bet on that. that’s an invitation for spite. but not everyone on here is driven to commit suicide for that reason, like you’re saying most are not, and that’s a good thing, right?
it’s an interesting case study in behavioral statistics, the vast majority of measured suicides are impulse cases, not particularly premeditated, so that supports your hypothesis
However, long term brooding does still correlate with suicide, you still see the type of person who holds off, and holds off, and waits for their time, and then when they are ready takes the exit
The actual highest rate demographically for suicide is middle aged men, kind of leans more towards the brooding type more.
Another thing that has bothered me for a long time is how bad we are at measuring smart suicidal people. We incentivize people to hide it. Life insurance for example is just one large reason people have to disquise their death. Not to get into shame, children, knock on effects and chain suicide. So we don’t know how many planned suicides happen, and may never know.
which is why it’s such an interesting case study, because current measures can’t effectively capture the data
I started up an old laptop of mine today, I had to buy a power cord for it off Amazon because I hadn’t used it since 2021 as it was kicking around in the bottom of a drawer, forgotten until I needed another laptop for my guys at work to use for testing. While I was waiting for windows to update to see if it was even viable, I decided to look at my browser history just to see what I had been doing back in the day, and this was one of the last websites I had visited. I don’t know if out of curiosity or nostalgia, I came here today. The first thing I saw was the comments page (very long story, but before WordPress updated and made the comments page unreachable from the homepage somebody had copied the URL and shared it years ago, dunno if It’s still like that but back then you couldn’t find it without the URL.)
The link that was shared for the URL page was made on 2019/04/19 at 10:27 am, I know this because when you use the link it takes you to that date and time specifically. It never used to bother me, it was such an insignificant irrelevant fact, at most the only inconvenience was that you had to click the all button to get to the recent comments, but today when I clicked that link I was first hit with a level of numbness as I processed what I was seeing. It was short-lived and has morphed into a heavy sensation in my chest. If I’m being honest I can’t really describe what I am feeling, it is a mixture between a little bit of regret, some guilt, and a longing for a time period in the past that is so non-specific it is like trying to find a specific grain of sand on a beach.
When you click the link, and it takes you to the comments page, the first two comments displayed are from Anthropophobia. For many of you that may mean absolutely nothing, but Anthropophobia was a guy named Dave who lived in Illinois who, like many of us, found himself on this site because he didn’t know how, or didn’t want to live anymore. I met Dave back in late 2014 when I first ventured to this site, back then the suicide project had a link to a ****** chat room on the side banner. He was one of the first people to greet me when I went to the chatroom, and as much as I would love to say we became friends, we didn’t. We were at most cordial to each other and at worst engaged in open hostility, the issue, I believe, in hindsight, was that we were very similar in drastically different ways. Both Dave and I enjoyed a bit of fun, to have a laugh if you will, but while Dave tried to have that fun with everyone else, i very much only cared about myself.
I was young, Naive and arrogant, he was a bit older, wiser and held more maturity than I could manage back then, but even still, when he and others tried to reach across the aisle and help me, I bit their hand. Eventually as time went on, people went about their lives, or didn’t, there were many different iterations of the ****** group chat, and for a short time I even ran it. I fell off the map for quite a while. When I came back, Dave had started his own group with primarily new members from SP and elsewhere, I don’t remember the specifics of my conversation with him, but he seemed happy to see me again, and we reminisced a bit about old times. At some point in the conversation, I must have misinterpreted what he had said about some old members of the group and felt like he was looking down on their accomplishments. The last interaction I ever had with Dave, without know it would be the last, was to shame him for my interpretation of that conversation and I belittled him for his current circumstances and living situation. I accused him of putting down others because it made him feel better about himself, during it all I could tell he was getting tired and deflated, he tried talking to me during my tirade, but I never let him, I left shortly after that and found out years later he had taken his life. I have known a few people who have gone through with it on this platform, most of them I wasn’t close to, but Dave’s death will forever affect me. He was the friend I never let be my friend, and he was someone who tried to help me that I pushed away and even punished for his efforts. If I could go back in time and undo all I had said to him, I would. I would be happy to just sit for an hour listening to him talk, to see his smile one more time. Dave had a lot of heart, and he was one of the central pillars of the community back then, for the longest time he held all of us together and never, never hesitated to make time for people.
When I originally came here my intention was to die. To tell my story so that there would be at least one record of it and die, but left with many reasons to live. What I have learned over the years on SP is that those who come here with the intention to die do, but those (I’d argue most) who come here out of desperation to live will find a way with the help of this community. SP is a place for people to share their stories in an environment that is free of judgment and hate, it is for those who want to remain anonymous but heard, anonymous but seen. I have had a few accounts on here over the years, and each one of them allowed me to peel back the layers and share more of me with the world until I was ready to accept myself and address my circumstances. I have been Storyteller, I have been Blackoutalice, I have been Shatteredglass, I have been TheAristocratofSqualor, today I am me. Do not come here and shame others for not taking their life, listen to their stories, share your own, be there for each other, help others heal, and in the end, no matter the decision, all can be free. If you go looking for those who have died, you will find them, and they will leave marks like tattoos on your soul, but if you go looking to help others maybe you can help them heal, and perhaps, in the end, so can you.
I think it’s a question of access and how dire our situation is. I’ve had my good/bad times but even then, I couldn’t be selfish enough to leave my family behind.
So prior to Maid becoming legalized and more available here in Canada…I was in about the same boat as everyone else as to how to ‘do it’ to get out of a bad life.
I consider myself fortunate in that we now have that ability-push comes to shove, that we can end our lives at a time of our own choosing more or less. This really should be a basic service offered to everyone in every country (like abortion should also).
In my case I think I’m getting closer to a decision or fate forcing my hand. Both my parents are in their 70s and I can easily see their health is declining and they could go pretty much any time.
My mom has no money and my dad has left me some in his will….he wasn’t rich but did ok for himself….so it should certainly provide a much-needed boost in my life…certainly more than enough for a sizable downpayment towards a new property.
I also intend to try for better paying work…but I think the years of just scraping by have worn on me and I’m tired of the struggle. He was thinking of selling his current home and downsizing to allow my siblings and I to have access to those funds sooner…but nothing is guaranteed. Hopefully he will.
Should my mom pass I’d lose a significant portion of our income and it’s hard to get by without two incomes in this city….which means I live in a bad place or have to move to a different city or hope that my dad allows me to stay with him-something none of us want, but might be necessary, until I find a partner to live with.
Long story short, my will to keep fighting is no longer there. So if things work out in a positive direction, say my dad goes through with his plans to sell, I’ll be motivated to keep going as I’d have some goal to work towards…but in the worst-case scenario I won’t want to keep ‘existing’ for nothing…. That’s not a life. I’m just living like a zombie…with little to show for it.
So Maid looks more tempting every day. I’m unhappy, growing more discouraged. An s/o would’ve made it better…then I’d focus on getting a higher income job, so we’d have a better life….but at this point, I’m getting older, having health issues, etc…it’s just far more negatives than positives for me.
Still I’m giving it a genuine effort to keep going as far as I can-not just for me, but family also…there are some things I still love about life, but those things are not as compelling as they once were…esp. if all one does is live at a lower-income level and not get one’s own house and enough money to have more freedom and travel, among other things…then it’s just not worth it.
I was planning to hold on till my 60’s (in my early 50s now)….but I might shorten that to whenever my parents pass away and after the dust settles to see where I stand. If it’s no better (or is worse) than before…then I know how this ‘movie ends’ and will opt for Maid…that is its own can of worms….I’ve heard some bad stories about it, but hopefully they’ve worked out the kinks in their process.
it’s not bc ppl don’t want to, it’s that it’s incredibly difficult to pull off Sui.cide correctly. And if you fuck up, you can be alive and physically fucked up for life. So attempting is no easy feat.
i would if i knew i would be 100% successful and there wasn’t pain and suffering during the attempt. if you’ve ever experienced horrific pain, you’d understand that attempting isn’t easy and dying quickly and painlessly sure af isn’t easy. and yeah, most ppl have NEVER experienced true pain in their lives to truly understand what real pain is.
11 comments
don’t bet on that. that’s an invitation for spite. but not everyone on here is driven to commit suicide for that reason, like you’re saying most are not, and that’s a good thing, right?
I tried it, three times, with three percs. Just woke up throwing up
it’s an interesting case study in behavioral statistics, the vast majority of measured suicides are impulse cases, not particularly premeditated, so that supports your hypothesis
However, long term brooding does still correlate with suicide, you still see the type of person who holds off, and holds off, and waits for their time, and then when they are ready takes the exit
The actual highest rate demographically for suicide is middle aged men, kind of leans more towards the brooding type more.
Another thing that has bothered me for a long time is how bad we are at measuring smart suicidal people. We incentivize people to hide it. Life insurance for example is just one large reason people have to disquise their death. Not to get into shame, children, knock on effects and chain suicide. So we don’t know how many planned suicides happen, and may never know.
which is why it’s such an interesting case study, because current measures can’t effectively capture the data
Maybe. Hard to say. There are tons of people who post and then you never hear from them again. Either they did it or didn’t and just moved on somehow.
I started up an old laptop of mine today, I had to buy a power cord for it off Amazon because I hadn’t used it since 2021 as it was kicking around in the bottom of a drawer, forgotten until I needed another laptop for my guys at work to use for testing. While I was waiting for windows to update to see if it was even viable, I decided to look at my browser history just to see what I had been doing back in the day, and this was one of the last websites I had visited. I don’t know if out of curiosity or nostalgia, I came here today. The first thing I saw was the comments page (very long story, but before WordPress updated and made the comments page unreachable from the homepage somebody had copied the URL and shared it years ago, dunno if It’s still like that but back then you couldn’t find it without the URL.)
The link that was shared for the URL page was made on 2019/04/19 at 10:27 am, I know this because when you use the link it takes you to that date and time specifically. It never used to bother me, it was such an insignificant irrelevant fact, at most the only inconvenience was that you had to click the all button to get to the recent comments, but today when I clicked that link I was first hit with a level of numbness as I processed what I was seeing. It was short-lived and has morphed into a heavy sensation in my chest. If I’m being honest I can’t really describe what I am feeling, it is a mixture between a little bit of regret, some guilt, and a longing for a time period in the past that is so non-specific it is like trying to find a specific grain of sand on a beach.
When you click the link, and it takes you to the comments page, the first two comments displayed are from Anthropophobia. For many of you that may mean absolutely nothing, but Anthropophobia was a guy named Dave who lived in Illinois who, like many of us, found himself on this site because he didn’t know how, or didn’t want to live anymore. I met Dave back in late 2014 when I first ventured to this site, back then the suicide project had a link to a ****** chat room on the side banner. He was one of the first people to greet me when I went to the chatroom, and as much as I would love to say we became friends, we didn’t. We were at most cordial to each other and at worst engaged in open hostility, the issue, I believe, in hindsight, was that we were very similar in drastically different ways. Both Dave and I enjoyed a bit of fun, to have a laugh if you will, but while Dave tried to have that fun with everyone else, i very much only cared about myself.
I was young, Naive and arrogant, he was a bit older, wiser and held more maturity than I could manage back then, but even still, when he and others tried to reach across the aisle and help me, I bit their hand. Eventually as time went on, people went about their lives, or didn’t, there were many different iterations of the ****** group chat, and for a short time I even ran it. I fell off the map for quite a while. When I came back, Dave had started his own group with primarily new members from SP and elsewhere, I don’t remember the specifics of my conversation with him, but he seemed happy to see me again, and we reminisced a bit about old times. At some point in the conversation, I must have misinterpreted what he had said about some old members of the group and felt like he was looking down on their accomplishments. The last interaction I ever had with Dave, without know it would be the last, was to shame him for my interpretation of that conversation and I belittled him for his current circumstances and living situation. I accused him of putting down others because it made him feel better about himself, during it all I could tell he was getting tired and deflated, he tried talking to me during my tirade, but I never let him, I left shortly after that and found out years later he had taken his life. I have known a few people who have gone through with it on this platform, most of them I wasn’t close to, but Dave’s death will forever affect me. He was the friend I never let be my friend, and he was someone who tried to help me that I pushed away and even punished for his efforts. If I could go back in time and undo all I had said to him, I would. I would be happy to just sit for an hour listening to him talk, to see his smile one more time. Dave had a lot of heart, and he was one of the central pillars of the community back then, for the longest time he held all of us together and never, never hesitated to make time for people.
When I originally came here my intention was to die. To tell my story so that there would be at least one record of it and die, but left with many reasons to live. What I have learned over the years on SP is that those who come here with the intention to die do, but those (I’d argue most) who come here out of desperation to live will find a way with the help of this community. SP is a place for people to share their stories in an environment that is free of judgment and hate, it is for those who want to remain anonymous but heard, anonymous but seen. I have had a few accounts on here over the years, and each one of them allowed me to peel back the layers and share more of me with the world until I was ready to accept myself and address my circumstances. I have been Storyteller, I have been Blackoutalice, I have been Shatteredglass, I have been TheAristocratofSqualor, today I am me. Do not come here and shame others for not taking their life, listen to their stories, share your own, be there for each other, help others heal, and in the end, no matter the decision, all can be free. If you go looking for those who have died, you will find them, and they will leave marks like tattoos on your soul, but if you go looking to help others maybe you can help them heal, and perhaps, in the end, so can you.
Pardon, didn’t know they censored *********** now. How badly did we piss off the admins back then. Wow.
I left in the other 10% for a reason.
I think it’s a question of access and how dire our situation is. I’ve had my good/bad times but even then, I couldn’t be selfish enough to leave my family behind.
So prior to Maid becoming legalized and more available here in Canada…I was in about the same boat as everyone else as to how to ‘do it’ to get out of a bad life.
I consider myself fortunate in that we now have that ability-push comes to shove, that we can end our lives at a time of our own choosing more or less. This really should be a basic service offered to everyone in every country (like abortion should also).
In my case I think I’m getting closer to a decision or fate forcing my hand. Both my parents are in their 70s and I can easily see their health is declining and they could go pretty much any time.
My mom has no money and my dad has left me some in his will….he wasn’t rich but did ok for himself….so it should certainly provide a much-needed boost in my life…certainly more than enough for a sizable downpayment towards a new property.
I also intend to try for better paying work…but I think the years of just scraping by have worn on me and I’m tired of the struggle. He was thinking of selling his current home and downsizing to allow my siblings and I to have access to those funds sooner…but nothing is guaranteed. Hopefully he will.
Should my mom pass I’d lose a significant portion of our income and it’s hard to get by without two incomes in this city….which means I live in a bad place or have to move to a different city or hope that my dad allows me to stay with him-something none of us want, but might be necessary, until I find a partner to live with.
Long story short, my will to keep fighting is no longer there. So if things work out in a positive direction, say my dad goes through with his plans to sell, I’ll be motivated to keep going as I’d have some goal to work towards…but in the worst-case scenario I won’t want to keep ‘existing’ for nothing…. That’s not a life. I’m just living like a zombie…with little to show for it.
So Maid looks more tempting every day. I’m unhappy, growing more discouraged. An s/o would’ve made it better…then I’d focus on getting a higher income job, so we’d have a better life….but at this point, I’m getting older, having health issues, etc…it’s just far more negatives than positives for me.
Still I’m giving it a genuine effort to keep going as far as I can-not just for me, but family also…there are some things I still love about life, but those things are not as compelling as they once were…esp. if all one does is live at a lower-income level and not get one’s own house and enough money to have more freedom and travel, among other things…then it’s just not worth it.
I was planning to hold on till my 60’s (in my early 50s now)….but I might shorten that to whenever my parents pass away and after the dust settles to see where I stand. If it’s no better (or is worse) than before…then I know how this ‘movie ends’ and will opt for Maid…that is its own can of worms….I’ve heard some bad stories about it, but hopefully they’ve worked out the kinks in their process.
Challenge accepted
it’s not bc ppl don’t want to, it’s that it’s incredibly difficult to pull off Sui.cide correctly. And if you fuck up, you can be alive and physically fucked up for life. So attempting is no easy feat.
i would if i knew i would be 100% successful and there wasn’t pain and suffering during the attempt. if you’ve ever experienced horrific pain, you’d understand that attempting isn’t easy and dying quickly and painlessly sure af isn’t easy. and yeah, most ppl have NEVER experienced true pain in their lives to truly understand what real pain is.