The older I get, the more superstitious I realize I am. I buck it, destiny, fate, magical thinking and whatnot. But it’s still there, hiding in the shadows of my mind. I keep wondering if I have bad karma. What’s more superstitious than that?!
my therapist is moving on, in six weeks. This is…….. god do you know I’ve lost count of the amount of therapists I’ve been through? Dozens at least. Two to five a year since 2010, so that averages 3.5, so that’s 49. That’s a guess, or numerology take your pick. And I’ve been varying amounts of upset about each one. I’m kind of numb right now about it. Jealous a bit, because once again my therapist is moving up in the world, and I’m not.
and I can’t help but think, I keep wanting some good news, something to come up my way….. specifically financially. And I’ve been trying to put out positivity, see the superstition? See the absurdity of magical thinking?
and I’m not in a good place, spiritually speaking, nor a bad place really. I’m not rejecting hard…. I’m just not seeking. If there’s a higher power he or she or it knows where and how to find me. But all evidence is there’s no plan other than mine
and here’s the thing, I used to think that maybe the very smart or the very rich had managed to shake it, shake off the superstition. Now though, I don’t think so. See the people who think they are very smart or very rich, they ARE they higher power, they are engaged in self worship…. or in worship of the things which elevate them.
so I keep asking, can a human really be free? Or are we all imprisoned by the meat in our heads?
No offense intended.
2 comments
i think you’re just wanting praise/affirmation in your real life you’re just not getting. so you gotta rely on that stupid self comforting strategy. waiting for the day someone recognizes you, sees you, likes you, relates to you. i’ve been getting more of that recently.
the weird thing is that I’m getting praise and validation from everyone around me. It’s me being dissatisfied, it’s me wanting more.
It’s also me realizing that I’m jumping at shadows, that the things that I sometimes pretend too well are threats are just part of the mythos…… like specifically projecting positivity produces positivity, it’s the central premise of a book called “the secret” and really common in magical thinking. But realistically, you notice what you prime yourself to notice, and there’s no evidence that saying positive things has any effect whatsoever on outcomes