So presenting yesterday wasn’t too horrible. For one thing my advisor was busy so he didn’t show. The other labmates who were there didn’t seem as judgemental as I normally percieve them to be. They actually gave good feedback. Something even more unexcpected happened and my team members helped out when I had a hard time explaining my thought process. CLARA is my main project with it being the focus of my thesis, so the others only really offer input from time to time. Lizzard is where we all try to work on toghether, but that’s been kind of on hold for a number of reasons. They could have easily let me flail and fall on my face. Wasn’t up to them to help me out. I know I should be ashamed that I wasn’t able to stand on my own two feet when presenting a project that is the culmination of my abilities as an engineer. However, it was nice to have someone jump in and stick up for my ideas. I made sure to thank them.
Even though things didn’t go bad, I still had the need to get day drunk and piss the day away. Before I presented I took a double dose of some anxiety meds to calm myself down, but I still needed a drink. Went and got a burger and two whiskey sours, then marched home to nap. Do different memories have different flavors? That’s how I experience them. Random thoughts of stuff that happened months, years, decade + pops up in my head and I feel like there’s a small smell or taste or sensation that I can feel. Real random thoughts too, like the bbq sale we used to do when I was in Boy Scouts or that time I failed to confess to my middle school crush before some pretty bad family stuff happend and I never saw her again. LIttle things like that. Small conversations or moments. The memory itself having a flavor. Do you ever go through a really rough time and then find yourself thinking so something totally unrelated? Then you got that flavor stuck in your head. And the flavors from back then get mixed up with the flavors now. Doesn’t happen too often, but sometimes it does.