and maybe this is just for me. I can take a hit. Or at least I’ve been able to for awhile….. but these last few days things have been trending well, and that’s harder to take. Because I’m less accustomed to that.
I’m not downplaying, or taking a victom role or catastrophizing or any of that. This is good news. I got the job. I’m making a good salary, and it really looks like I have a shot at getting caught up on my projects.
I’m also 36 years old, This isn’t my first rodeo, and I’m sorry for the cheesy analogy but I am at the end of the day a product of my environment. I’ve been through it way too many times, countless where it feels like I’m on my way up, and I fall flat back on my ass. Things going well is the only time I’m ever vulnerable anymore, and I’ve been working on closing that gap too.
Then there’s the other side, where I have to balance it. If I reserve too much I seem inhuman and I screw it up by being too reserved. You see it isn’t easy being a scarred up middle aged person.
It looks good though. It looks really good, as good as I could have hoped for it to look. I got what I wanted, a job to fill some time and raise the cash I need to fix this damn house and prep for my escape, as well as build the credentials I need to move to where I really want to be.
I guess, I’m hoping some of you other long timers can draw some hope from this. Maybe things’ll look up for you too someday. Or maybe now that I’m not feeling so dragged down I’ll figure out how to pull more of you out of the muck, anything is possible. Well, not anything, this clock isn’t going to become prime minister.
2 comments
congrats!
Ditto, congratulations.
I never took jobs too seriously when I was younger because I thought I could bypass the rat-race…wish I played my cards differently and focused on higher level jobs in my 20s and on.
I’ve seen your posts and struggles…this is well deserved for all the trouble you’ve gone through.
And you are right, jobs are very much underestimated. In fact they are central to a ‘good life.’ If you don’t make enough, life is hard…if you do, you can make all your plans/projects happen.
I’m thinking of taking a course which I neglected for a while and if it works it should double my income (it’s an average salary right now). So that will change things for me too.
But I can’t focus on anything else until I’ve moved out of this crappy place which interferes with my sleep.
I guess we all have our up and down days…yesterday I was more down, but today I’m a bit more upbeat about my future…but I know I have a ton of work ahead of me, on top of studying.
And I still have a card in my back pocket I’ve yet to play that could change things for me.
Ya hopefully I can also come back in a couple of years-if not sooner and share some positive news, if I make it to the next plateau I’m aiming for. Cheers.