Voltage

I have more than a few reasons to believe I am neurodiverse with characteristics of ADHD and asperger tnedencies. But is it really so? Although focus is fickle and discipline feels somewhat defective, is this really reason? Are these traits not titles I may don in an effort to define myself and fulfill a want of authentic uniqueness?

Or is it simply a hard fact (theoretical for now). What If I have a brain/nervous system that has a reduced capacity to generate enough electric potential? To activate enough cells to achieve said concentration or power of will takes more resources than my biology can provide? Perhaps by simple genetic variation the net result, a brain/nervous system too weak, so to say, in maintaining focus and drive.
Perhaps my 100% max effort is only 70% or 80% the median and when I do give it my level best it is simply bested by those who put in an equal relative effort.

A life lived, not bereft of, but never even having acquired the confidence in myself to do the thing/s. Ever feelings that my resources were stretched, not sufficient. In the unfortunate inhumane circumstance of being placed in competition with others, standing on the bottom podium or near the bottom more often than not.

Even where I may percieve myself excelling next to another it may only be that they are not giving near their best, but if they did…

If indeed it is that I have a reduced resource of electric potential in the brain limiting my potential max effort, much would be explained and less would be my reasons for living on.