okay. MAYBE I’m catastrophizing. I always feel the need to contextualize that I’m or at least I was a very sick puppy, which means my feelings and perspectives might just be wrong. Yeah. I’m sort of doing better.
Anyway, so me and the state I live in, SPECIFICALLY the people that run it and control it are at opposite ends. I’m a long haired commie liberal who doesn’t have a problem with brown people, and they hate everything about that. Am I being too harsh? Oh, more importantly, I’m pro labor, they are pro business. That gap is the one that we can’t get over.
I mean, not getting into that I believe religion has no place at all in government…. you know, like it says in the CONSTITUTION. FFS.
Anyway, so I work for the state, which is…. awkward to say the least. Usually it’s okay, I’m insulated by layers and layers of middle managers. Our Governor and other political leaders don’t mess with us, given we serve an essential purpose….. and we don’t mess with them because……………….. mob justice isn’t a thing anymore. So imagine my surprise when they land a training on my desk; “The Science of Hope.”
and getting deeper into it, there’s probably nothing wrong with it………… in the abstract. But they contextualize it. They admit that they’re doing it in the state I live in. They admit they want to make this state a more hopeful place to live in……. which is like……………………… WHAT?! SINCE THE FUCK WHEN?! They’re like “oh how it sucks that there are so many poor and unhoused.” and I’m like…….. this would ring different if I didn’t know you disbanded the homelessness task force, and took funding away from school lunches.
and they ask about my goals, and my goals are getting out of this state. My goals are to help anyone with any potential at all to get out as well. I want to depopulate this place. Turn it into the literal wasteland to match the moral wasteland they’ve made it. Because elsewhere there are education oppertunities. Employers who pay their employeees, have safety standards….. and they’re talking about getting a hobby, start running…….
I literally can’t with these idiots sometimes. They wonder why we don’t have hope, they have no idea what it’s like to be normal. Because I’ve had my nose right up the average poor person in my state. Getting started running aint gonna cut it. It’s gonna take employers who don’t exploit them, and I wonder how that’s gonna happen? HINT; it starts with a U, and ends with a NION
that and maybe stringing up a few of these awful employers. I don’t mean killing them, just put them in silly outfits, strap them to a pole on the side of the highway for eight hours a day with a sign that says “Look at this asshole, don’t be this guy”
we believe incentives work, right? that’s a pretty strong incentive
on further reflection, refering to my governor as my abuser implies a personal relationship that just isn’t there. We’re in opposing groups, multiple opposing groups. Him anti labor, me pro. Him pro theistic government, me anti. and I have strong feelings about it. but he has no idea who I am. His attitude towards me, if it can even be characterized as such, is his attitude towards all like me; unclear, confusing, and it is this that causes me such rage.
I suppose it keys in on my long term issues with authority, because his positions are ones that people in authority over me have often held. They defend certain pillars of the establishment that if I had my way I’d rip down. However, with the other hand they feed and clothe me. That’s what is so confusing. Why do you care for me with one hand, and with the other insult everything I believe in? You make me feel some gratitude, and thus guilt for that gratitude, because what you are doing is at least somewhat evil….. am I evil for taking the food?
I’m a pirate I suppose, must take food from any hand willing to give it, harsh world that it is. High ideals, working for good people, those are luxuries that perhaps I can fight and provide for the next generation….. but for me? a free agent, to be conflicted as I take comfort from the very system I seek to destroy.
Overdramatic, as always. It’s just capitalism. Trading labor for cash. It was always confusing and stupid.
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cuz americans are dumb as shit. we keep voting for policies that fuck us over. and keep voting for politicians that fuck us over.
americans, especially republicans, are brainwashed to believe capitalism is the greatest thing since sliced bread, when in reality, capitalism is what creates homelessness, capitalism is what creates joblessness, capitalism is what creates poverty wages, that even working a FT job or even 2, is barely gonna keep your head above water. capitalism is what screws the working man over the most.
What gets me is the whole mechanics of the thing, which is what you’re saying I guess. It relies on people trying super hard for it and not getting it. Here I am, sitting on the fringes, almost burning out of the system every few years, struggling to engage, getting appeals that none of those who are hungry for it get.
I had this friend from middle school::: Tangent ::: I went to a private middle school, lots of upper class snots. We all had the same potential, connection wise to get very very very very very rich. Also to burn out and turn into nothing, weirdly very thin line between the two.
Anyway, ran into him later in life, I’m doing okay for myself, and he wants to know how to get rich. And I’m like…… You grew up where I did. You saw that actually happen to some people. You saw their parents drop dead trying. You want THAT?! I mean the kids have money now, but they don’t have any parents or grandparents anymore, and I can tell you they’d prefer the people. Also half the time they don’t have money or the people, because it’s not a sure fire bet.
and over here, I’m thinking the thing to do is to try not to want it. Try to want as little as you possibly can. Seek joy and a better life, those are deliverables you can get. Money, there’s never enough money.
but feeling that way, acting that out, it’s rebellion, it’s against the grain of everything people believe
is this you?
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