I think my landlord would notice in a month when the rent goes unpaid. I speak to my family once a year, I call on their birthdays. They try to call on mine, but I am always too depressed to answer the phone, although I do text them back. Few friends maybe check in every few months, but if I didn’t answer I don’t think it would raise any red flags. They would just move on. So if not for my landlord, I think I could get 6 months in between family birthdays before someone really thought I might be dead.
Yes, landlord obviously. I see my parents more often, usually once every few weeks. So they would eventually raise the alarm if I stopped answering their messages. But that’s pretty much it. I don’t have any friends to check in, and I work from home so I can literally go a whole week without seeing another person.
I moved to a different city than my parents since I was 17, so since then we have never regularly met up, it’s all just phone calls and texts. And now I’m in a country where the time difference is so bad that even scheduling the annual phone call is difficult.
I’m a contract worker, and I’ve been out of work for 7 months. So no one would notice on the work front.
That sucks. I think you need an incredibly tight friendship network to replicate that level of support – just having someone you can call if you have an emergency if huge. One of the many things that sucks about modern living I guess.
Yes, I’ve known this for a while. I’ve lived in 4 different countries by now (one of them was yours actually). And as a single person who is constantly migrating, I consciously build a support network that most people who stay in the same town their whole lives take for granted. It’s exhausting. And this time round, it’s not paying off.
Soda7/13/2024 - 12:27 am
I was thinking something similar at work today…god I can barely recognize myself today…I went from a young guy with thick wavy hair, chiseled features, a 6 pack and muscular physique in my 20s to an out of shape, 50+ man who’s losing his hair…but at least I managed to hold onto it this long.
Wish I could do a redo, go back to my late teens and start over…though I’m not keen on busting my azz in university, studying hard to get my degree.
Though if a redo was possible, I’ll ofc invest in things like bitcoin, IBM, etc…when they were dirt cheap and get rich asf.
But the flipside to that is an ‘early grave.’ I’m saddened to think that my life really didn’t get anywhere, all my big plans, dreams fell apart.
Like you I feel I’d disappear tomorrow and the world will keep going like I was never there anyways…apart from a few friends and family members who’d miss me….and some coworkers, my life isn’t worth much and I’m mostly suffering a lot for nothing.
The worst for me is never having had some great relationships….like there are men who take girls for granted, some don’t even treat them well, I’m the opposite of that…but it was always hard to find someone I clicked well with.
Anyways, here I am, old, out of shape…trying to climb to the ‘next level’ where many people already are and have been for most of their lives.
Whoever invents a “peaceful pill” which causes a fast, painless, guaranteed demise, will make a lot of money because I’m sure many of us would go for it to finally put an end to their needless suffering and sadness.
But you have a job. If you didn’t show up to work, they would notice.
I’m not being metophorical here. I’m not saying that my life lacks meaning or impact in the world. I’m being very literal. No one would notice if I died for months. That’s why, my suicide plan is to automate a message to someone to call the police a day after I do it – I would hate for my body to sit there for months, I would feel terrible for anyone who would have to deal with my decomposing body, even a complete stranger.
True…sorry to hear that you’re really that alone, must be very difficult to not have anyone to talk to IRL I mean…while it’s good that you have some contact by text and stuff, it’s not the same as meeting up with friends or just being around good people at work for instance.
Ya likewise, the good thing is that you can now send delayed emails for such situations. I feel the same way and wouldn’t want to leave a nasty mess for someone to deal with after.
But given the evidence of people who’ve taken their lives before us, it’s proof that it is possible to pull off if one is desperate enough and has done their research.
The worst is to do it on a whim without much thought. Then you can end off far worse than before…and I think that’s what stops most of us from going ahead.
Nonetheless, those of us in a bad situation probably should make a good exit plan…you don’t want your world crashing around you suddenly one day and you didn’t prepare for it…then you resort to desperate measures which might not be a great way to go and which could also fail.
It’s a lifetime of moving around, friends scattered all over the world who I text and email, but no one really close enough to notice if I weren’t around any more. And not much success making friends in my current city. The one friend who I used to see on a regular basis I haven’t heard from in several months. And then finally, when I explained that the reason I’ve been withdrawn is because I didn’t want to burden others with my health problems, his reaction was ‘it is deeply hurtful to me that you didn’t tell me about your problems.’ And this is why I don’t like reaching out to people when I have problems. They make the situation all about themselves, and their hurt feelings, and priorities their hurt feelings over my health problems. I’m tired of always having to be the mature one and having to apologize and put everyone elses’ emotional needs ahead of my own. There’s absolutely no empathy, no contrition, just another argument I don’t have energy for. I’m starting to think at a certain point that everyone in my life has narcissistic tendencies.
There is so much preparation involved in taking ones life and that’s probably why people do it on a whim. Because to do it thoughtfully is overwhelming. I couldn’t just go out like that, with no explanation. There is so much to say, my problem is that in life, no one wants to hear it. I feel like in death I would have a better shot at being heard.
Ya 1D, if you move around a lot it’s hard to form lasting bonds with anyone…and it sucks because as you get older, you’ll find you’ll need at least a few people around you unless you’re rich asf, then people want to be around you no matter what.
It bugs me too, I’ve had some great friends in HS and uni, but many of them moved to other countries or cities for work, some I just lost their ph# or they changed it and each one of them are irreplaceable.
Like I had a nerdy group of friends from the science and chess club and we’d play badminton…another group I’d go clubbing with and so on.
I had another friend who was a comedian type but also could be strong/tough when needed and he’d push me to talk to sexy girls or would just take the lead…it was great times…I could go on and on…but sadly we just never kept in touch…because we’re focused on studying and stuff.
I really knew better…like to keep phone#’s updated and to stay in touch…but it’s partly my fault also for allowing that to happen.
In your case you need to share something personal about yourself to build those bonds…it’s a risk. If you tell people about your health issues, some people could be more sympathetic, while others might get turned off…but people usually let you know if they want to hear it or not.
The handful of friends I have left wouldn’t have been in my life if I had better alternatives…but in a ways they put our r/s to the test and we kept staying friends…but tbh I wouldn’t put up with much bs from any of them…another friend was too much for us, so one by one we cut him off and never regretted it. He was a nice guy in the beginning but became weird, angry and annoying later on.
I think in your situation people feel less attached to you because there isn’t years of history to look back on so they don’t feel as obligated to be your friend…which is why it puts you in the position of having to apologize…which I can understand isn’t desirable but as an older lady once said “you can choose to be right but you can end up alone.”
As for off’ing oneself, ya it’s possible to ‘overthink it’…but I think it’s a bit reckless to also do it without much thought, unless it’s something known to be successful, dro-wning for example.
In my case as Maid is legal in Canada, if I feel that shtf, then I’ll apply asap…hopefully it won’t take too long and that I’ll be approved. If that doesn’t work then I’ll need to have a plan B.
Back in the day it was easy to acquire the stuff you needed, but since the authorities figured it out, they’ve been banning tools people could use to end themselves. I’m still a believer in using in.ert gaz…so I’ll have to get my hands on some, somehow.
Precisely. Thanks for understanding. I have a few good friends I could call, but the reality is they’re busy with kids/partners and I just don’t want to burden them. And I also don’t want to overburden the few friends who have time for me with constant oversharing. I’ve called my best friend in Sydney twice in 2 weeks, and I already feel like I need to cut it off. He’s busy and his weekends are precious, he can’t be listening to me whine every weekend.
My current situation is weird. I’ve always lived in bigger cities with larger expat communities, many more people in the same situation as me (single migrant, no family). That’s where I usually find community. Now I find myself in Toronto, a much smaller city with a very different expat community…. Migrants here tend to have familial bonds, not single people like me. All the single migrants I met here that I liked only lasted a year and went back home. It’s not a town that single people like me usually stick around in, its a very family oriented culture. The reason I did in the beginning was because I had a relationship. That ended 2 years ago and I still go back and forth about whether to leave. Problem is, when you leave a town, it’s hard to go back home. People have moved on. There’s no room for you anymore.
I think about that phrase a lot, but I know it as “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” With age and wisdom, I’ve gotten better at choosing happy…. but I can’t do that, over and over again, with the same person. It sets a precedent for them treating me as a doormat.
My understanding about Maid is that it’s a pretty high bar to clear…? Don’t think I’d qualify for any of those assisted dying programs, I’ve looked.
16 comments
I have actually thought about that before and it’s a very discouraging feeling.
I know the feeling. I can go weeks without talking to anyone.
I think my landlord would notice in a month when the rent goes unpaid. I speak to my family once a year, I call on their birthdays. They try to call on mine, but I am always too depressed to answer the phone, although I do text them back. Few friends maybe check in every few months, but if I didn’t answer I don’t think it would raise any red flags. They would just move on. So if not for my landlord, I think I could get 6 months in between family birthdays before someone really thought I might be dead.
Yes, landlord obviously. I see my parents more often, usually once every few weeks. So they would eventually raise the alarm if I stopped answering their messages. But that’s pretty much it. I don’t have any friends to check in, and I work from home so I can literally go a whole week without seeing another person.
I moved to a different city than my parents since I was 17, so since then we have never regularly met up, it’s all just phone calls and texts. And now I’m in a country where the time difference is so bad that even scheduling the annual phone call is difficult.
I’m a contract worker, and I’ve been out of work for 7 months. So no one would notice on the work front.
That sucks. I think you need an incredibly tight friendship network to replicate that level of support – just having someone you can call if you have an emergency if huge. One of the many things that sucks about modern living I guess.
Yes, I’ve known this for a while. I’ve lived in 4 different countries by now (one of them was yours actually). And as a single person who is constantly migrating, I consciously build a support network that most people who stay in the same town their whole lives take for granted. It’s exhausting. And this time round, it’s not paying off.
I was thinking something similar at work today…god I can barely recognize myself today…I went from a young guy with thick wavy hair, chiseled features, a 6 pack and muscular physique in my 20s to an out of shape, 50+ man who’s losing his hair…but at least I managed to hold onto it this long.
Wish I could do a redo, go back to my late teens and start over…though I’m not keen on busting my azz in university, studying hard to get my degree.
Though if a redo was possible, I’ll ofc invest in things like bitcoin, IBM, etc…when they were dirt cheap and get rich asf.
But the flipside to that is an ‘early grave.’ I’m saddened to think that my life really didn’t get anywhere, all my big plans, dreams fell apart.
Like you I feel I’d disappear tomorrow and the world will keep going like I was never there anyways…apart from a few friends and family members who’d miss me….and some coworkers, my life isn’t worth much and I’m mostly suffering a lot for nothing.
The worst for me is never having had some great relationships….like there are men who take girls for granted, some don’t even treat them well, I’m the opposite of that…but it was always hard to find someone I clicked well with.
Anyways, here I am, old, out of shape…trying to climb to the ‘next level’ where many people already are and have been for most of their lives.
Whoever invents a “peaceful pill” which causes a fast, painless, guaranteed demise, will make a lot of money because I’m sure many of us would go for it to finally put an end to their needless suffering and sadness.
I would buy that pill.
Same here-I’m sure millions if not billions of people would…I wrote a lot more but the censors are trying to block me…so I’ll end it here.
But you have a job. If you didn’t show up to work, they would notice.
I’m not being metophorical here. I’m not saying that my life lacks meaning or impact in the world. I’m being very literal. No one would notice if I died for months. That’s why, my suicide plan is to automate a message to someone to call the police a day after I do it – I would hate for my body to sit there for months, I would feel terrible for anyone who would have to deal with my decomposing body, even a complete stranger.
True…sorry to hear that you’re really that alone, must be very difficult to not have anyone to talk to IRL I mean…while it’s good that you have some contact by text and stuff, it’s not the same as meeting up with friends or just being around good people at work for instance.
Ya likewise, the good thing is that you can now send delayed emails for such situations. I feel the same way and wouldn’t want to leave a nasty mess for someone to deal with after.
But given the evidence of people who’ve taken their lives before us, it’s proof that it is possible to pull off if one is desperate enough and has done their research.
The worst is to do it on a whim without much thought. Then you can end off far worse than before…and I think that’s what stops most of us from going ahead.
Nonetheless, those of us in a bad situation probably should make a good exit plan…you don’t want your world crashing around you suddenly one day and you didn’t prepare for it…then you resort to desperate measures which might not be a great way to go and which could also fail.
It’s a lifetime of moving around, friends scattered all over the world who I text and email, but no one really close enough to notice if I weren’t around any more. And not much success making friends in my current city. The one friend who I used to see on a regular basis I haven’t heard from in several months. And then finally, when I explained that the reason I’ve been withdrawn is because I didn’t want to burden others with my health problems, his reaction was ‘it is deeply hurtful to me that you didn’t tell me about your problems.’ And this is why I don’t like reaching out to people when I have problems. They make the situation all about themselves, and their hurt feelings, and priorities their hurt feelings over my health problems. I’m tired of always having to be the mature one and having to apologize and put everyone elses’ emotional needs ahead of my own. There’s absolutely no empathy, no contrition, just another argument I don’t have energy for. I’m starting to think at a certain point that everyone in my life has narcissistic tendencies.
There is so much preparation involved in taking ones life and that’s probably why people do it on a whim. Because to do it thoughtfully is overwhelming. I couldn’t just go out like that, with no explanation. There is so much to say, my problem is that in life, no one wants to hear it. I feel like in death I would have a better shot at being heard.
Ya 1D, if you move around a lot it’s hard to form lasting bonds with anyone…and it sucks because as you get older, you’ll find you’ll need at least a few people around you unless you’re rich asf, then people want to be around you no matter what.
It bugs me too, I’ve had some great friends in HS and uni, but many of them moved to other countries or cities for work, some I just lost their ph# or they changed it and each one of them are irreplaceable.
Like I had a nerdy group of friends from the science and chess club and we’d play badminton…another group I’d go clubbing with and so on.
I had another friend who was a comedian type but also could be strong/tough when needed and he’d push me to talk to sexy girls or would just take the lead…it was great times…I could go on and on…but sadly we just never kept in touch…because we’re focused on studying and stuff.
I really knew better…like to keep phone#’s updated and to stay in touch…but it’s partly my fault also for allowing that to happen.
In your case you need to share something personal about yourself to build those bonds…it’s a risk. If you tell people about your health issues, some people could be more sympathetic, while others might get turned off…but people usually let you know if they want to hear it or not.
The handful of friends I have left wouldn’t have been in my life if I had better alternatives…but in a ways they put our r/s to the test and we kept staying friends…but tbh I wouldn’t put up with much bs from any of them…another friend was too much for us, so one by one we cut him off and never regretted it. He was a nice guy in the beginning but became weird, angry and annoying later on.
I think in your situation people feel less attached to you because there isn’t years of history to look back on so they don’t feel as obligated to be your friend…which is why it puts you in the position of having to apologize…which I can understand isn’t desirable but as an older lady once said “you can choose to be right but you can end up alone.”
As for off’ing oneself, ya it’s possible to ‘overthink it’…but I think it’s a bit reckless to also do it without much thought, unless it’s something known to be successful, dro-wning for example.
In my case as Maid is legal in Canada, if I feel that shtf, then I’ll apply asap…hopefully it won’t take too long and that I’ll be approved. If that doesn’t work then I’ll need to have a plan B.
Back in the day it was easy to acquire the stuff you needed, but since the authorities figured it out, they’ve been banning tools people could use to end themselves. I’m still a believer in using in.ert gaz…so I’ll have to get my hands on some, somehow.
Precisely. Thanks for understanding. I have a few good friends I could call, but the reality is they’re busy with kids/partners and I just don’t want to burden them. And I also don’t want to overburden the few friends who have time for me with constant oversharing. I’ve called my best friend in Sydney twice in 2 weeks, and I already feel like I need to cut it off. He’s busy and his weekends are precious, he can’t be listening to me whine every weekend.
My current situation is weird. I’ve always lived in bigger cities with larger expat communities, many more people in the same situation as me (single migrant, no family). That’s where I usually find community. Now I find myself in Toronto, a much smaller city with a very different expat community…. Migrants here tend to have familial bonds, not single people like me. All the single migrants I met here that I liked only lasted a year and went back home. It’s not a town that single people like me usually stick around in, its a very family oriented culture. The reason I did in the beginning was because I had a relationship. That ended 2 years ago and I still go back and forth about whether to leave. Problem is, when you leave a town, it’s hard to go back home. People have moved on. There’s no room for you anymore.
I think about that phrase a lot, but I know it as “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” With age and wisdom, I’ve gotten better at choosing happy…. but I can’t do that, over and over again, with the same person. It sets a precedent for them treating me as a doormat.
My understanding about Maid is that it’s a pretty high bar to clear…? Don’t think I’d qualify for any of those assisted dying programs, I’ve looked.
Yep I just checked. You need a serious physical illness to qualify for Maid.