If you are easily offended by matters of a sexual nature, go ahead and skip this post (not like anyone reads these anyways.) Also on the off chance that you are reading this, could you please skip this post sinner? I don’t want you to think less of me, and you definitely will if you read this.
I am just blowing money on p*rn. Like down the tubes sort of stuff. I would occasionally splurge here and there and alot if things were real bad, but it got kinda bad when I got my internship. Which is fine because I got the money to back it up. It’s not fine when I’m not earning shit and pretty much my entire monthly stipend goes to rent. So it’s been real bad lately. I do it to try and feel something, but even when I do the dirty deed I don’t really feel anything. I feel even less of anything after the deed is done. It’s starting to be a problem. I mean it was already a problem, but now it’s a bigger problem. A trick I’ve tried to do is do the deed first then ask myself if I want to spend money. Usually its no.
I think I’ve already given up on finding love. I think I gave up a long time ago. So when all these girls go on and on with the flowery language and the “dirty” talk it all seems like a bad joke. Like one a person tells to their group of friends and nobody laughs. It’s definitely not as sad as all the other jokes the world’s been playing on me lately. But still a pretty bad joke. It’s hard to take it serious and play along. Not that I have any experience anyways. Trying to feel something with nothing. Been doing that since I was like 12? I think all that p*rn broke my brain. That’s why it’s so hard to talk to others, especially women. Or maybe my brain was already broken. No way to tell.
I think it’s a good think that I’ve given up on love. Makes blowing my brains out a lot easier. Don’t have explain to anyone when I go do it. If I go do it. I can make my last day nice. Get a nice meal, watch a good movie, go to an arcade. Then do the dirty deed. Way easier to do all that when you’re alone. Besides, my broken crippled brain probably shouldn’t be exposed to anyone anyways. Just makes it hard and annoying for everyone involved. So if you got a trick to stop spending my savings to get a brief flicker of pleasure before returning into the void, leave a comment and tell me. Boy it’s great to be an adult.
6 comments
Well, my relationship with things stickier online was part of what killed my first marriage, and delayed me settling down. Still yet, I’m not moralistic about it anymore. I gave up. I won’t go into gory details, but you’d have to work at it to shock me suffice to say.
I’m not into anything illegal or non consensual. That’s the important point. However I do skirt the legality line sometimes, but that’s copyright law.
Yes, I get a perverse sort of joy out of never paying a cent. It isn’t totally true. I have a few people who I like, who create things I like, and I toss them a few bucks a month to keep at it. It’s a fixed rate though, and I can stop if I need to. Patreon, easy transactions.
It’s funny you rail against the flowery word, but the word is the more important part to me half the time. Naughty stories, oh my, I have probably seen more of what our species has produced than most.
I’m not sure how you stop. I know shame is part of the whole racket. The ability to hide it off in a corner is part of the appeal of paying for it. There’s nothing especially wrong with it, given that the alternative spreads disease and brings unwanted children into the world. It also brings employment to at risk young women while keeping them off the streets, honestly there’s a lot good to be said about some porn sites. Some being the operative word.
At the point I’m at in life, I just appreciate how so many different women can be beautiful in different ways. My youth and lust have started to fade, but I’m not entirely lost to those appeals. Heck, some of the men don’t look too bad either. What do I care? I have nothing to prove.
It’s an entertainment. The way I indulge carries a lot of risk, but so what? I live with it. Your way, you can take all you want, but I suspect it gets a bit bland that way.
I definitely couldn’t afford it now. So, what I can find is the best I get. The thing is that often it’s either better or more varied than what I could pay for. That’s why I don’t pay for it when I can afford it.
Beautiful girls make life worth living…and hopefully one of them becomes a great ‘soulmate’ to share life with.
I mean there are other things I love about life, like good times with friends/family, travel, music, education…but girls would the main reason for me.
However you also do need a good income and health…otherwise life sucks.
I think what bothers me the most is to see others get what I wish I could have…it’s just a wasted life…you’re alive to see others have a good time and then can’t improve your own life so are forced to find a way out…that’s the situation I feel applies to some of us sadly.
There’s tons of free porn, save your money esp. if you don’t have much.
Might as well hire a call girl, at least it’s real and in person…but there are other risks that come with that…like std’s.
Also don’t fall for a hooker, or you’ll lose your money that way too.
I think some of us unattached dudes are caught in the same trap…busy with work, life, hard to find a nice girl, etc.
What’s worse for me is that I don’t really have any friends who’d have the time to run around and go to bars/clubs, hit on girls. That phase is behind them.
It pains me to realize I did have enough leisure time in univ (despite all the studying) and could’ve spent it better trying to find my s/o….but time marches on and if you don’t take advantage of a chance when you have it, you’ll probably never get it again.
I’ve heard of people meeting others through FB and other social media…but unless that other person is in your circle of contacts…I don’t see how one can randomly find someone you click with.
Though the irony is that you have access to a lot of people….but they may not necessarily want to get to know you…I think it’s a shot in the dark, except for pretty girls as they’re always in demand, everywhere.
Every birthday that comes and goes, I think about getting a call girl but I never seem to get around to doing it….but I think I will soon as I’m not getting any younger and my life continues to be a shiitshow and I don’t know when or if it’ll get any better…though I’m trying to improve it.
I never imagined I’d be in this situation as I had plenty of opportunities with girls when I was younger-but I was foolish and complacent and should’ve committed to someone when I had the chance.
I don’t really get paying for it, but then I’m not a strictly “moral” person in that way. I don’t think it’s a particularly good industry, I think it probably messes with people’s heads a fair bit, so I don’t think it’s necessarily great to support it financially. Whatever it is, no matter how exclusive, you can find it for free if you do a bit of looking.
Unless paying is part of the compulsion? In which case I guess that leaves you with trying to break the addiction before you go broke. From what I gather, the best way to do that is improve your social connections, find things that improve your life. So you feel less need for the coping mechanism. But obviously that’s challenging when you’re on your own. There’s also tools you can use to restrict your access to things online, to make it harder to give in. If you’ve got someone you can confide in who can hold you accountable for that stuff, it might help.
As to pleasure and the deadening of it… yeah, it’s desensitising. The more you do it, the less good it feels, the more you feel the need to do it. That’s why addiction sucks. If you can resist for a while, it will feel better again when you do it.
I feel like my point has been lost a little. Yeah I know there’s free stuff. That’s how I got through high-school and most of my undergrad. That’s not really the point
My larger point is that I’m wasting money on something that makes me feel hollow. And I still do it for some reason.
So from what you’ve said, it sounds like the money is an issue – like you can’t afford it, it’s causing real problems in your life.
If that’s not the case, and you’re more concerned about the hollow feeling, then yeah, I get it. My guess is you still do it because maybe it’s one of your primary coping mechanisms, something you’ve relied on to deal with negative feeling since you were a child. And even though it doesn’t feel good the same way it used to, it’s still automatically the thing your mind turns to whenever you’re feeling low. It’s the only way you’ve ever known to cope with the negative feelings. That’s the case with me, anyway. You can call it addiction, or compulsion, or reliance, or whatever else you want.