Good question….I wish I had more time to type but it’s 5am now, maybe I’ll do a follow up later…but here’s a few valuable gems I wish I had known and not learned the hard way.
Never ever let yourself get influenced by your so-called friend-of-the-moment to make you do something you know in your heart is wrong and could lead to bad consequences.
For some reason in my life, whenever I’ve made a mistake, that almost always lead to some form of “punishment” like this idiot friend at work who’s known to be a comedian got me to change an email I wrote to a girl to something more sexual than I intended (we’d flirt and joke by email and in person also but he made me take it too far).
While I didn’t get officially reprimanded by mgmt, they called me out on some minor mistakes I made or for not meeting targets and eventually gave me the choice to leave or face the boot…there’s a lot more to it, my remark was ‘innocent’ and I didn’t think the girl would take it the wrong way as she knew I was a joker also.
But I pieced it together after and realized she might’ve gone to my manager…I would’ve liked for them to call me in a private meeting and I would’ve apologized and explained it was just a joke….but they didn’t give me that courtesy and probably assumed the worst about me…all thanks to that scummy guy.
Funny enough he later dropped some comment about that email-but blamed it all on me…but I didn’t get to ask “wait what are you talking about?”…he dropped a comment in passing and we were going our separate ways.
In some ways I feel I might have a mild case of autism, because I find I’ve been socially slow to catch things at times and I have to think and reflect to get its true meaning.
I’m pretty sharp in most other situations, like academics, jokes and so on, but interpersonal skills can sometimes be lacking…so now i try extra hard to pay attention to what’s going on…and I know sometimes people are being smart asses and usually now I take the context to be in the worst-case scenario.
Other lessons-well I read an interesting inspirational quote and I felt it was bang on…something like “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Those times in my life where I felt most ‘uncomfortable’ or insecure, or afraid, were actually incredibly important and pivotal…but I choose to remain ‘comfortable’ than risk getting rejection or egg on my face….and I look back now thinking that I had nothing to lose and if for example I had a good connection with a hot girl…for all I know she could’ve wanted to date me but expected me to ask her out.
I’ve had girls (from school or work) who’d later tell me had I asked them out at that time they would’ve said ‘yes’ but they had moved on after and dated someone else.
The girls I did end up dating were not always a good fit and sometimes they didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about them, or vice versa. It was rare where I met a girl and we were compatible in every way and sadly one of them just turned into a long distance relationship that fizzled out…but I might’ve married her if she lived closer.
Other lessons are probably things most people already know…but sometimes they can be hard to figure out….like being able to identify and then expel toxic people from your life.
I realize now what I did was pretty brilliant and well-planned. There was one friend a long time ago, who was well-embedded in my group but he started burning bridges with a few of us…but none of the rest of the group could see it.
He used to be a nice guy at the beginning but after a few years, he because a rotten ahole who’d start fights/argument in my group for no reason and I felt I had to get rid of him…so I created a trap and knew he couldn’t resist and ofc he started a fairly open argument with me and another friend in my group, exactly what I wanted.
The rest of the group members saw how insane and over-the-top he was behaving while my other friend and I just sat back and laughed…because we were treating it as a joke (some dumb fight over a movie)…but that did the trick. He stopped showing up, and eventually we never heard from him again…I think he felt humiliated and was finally exposed for the rotten pos that he turned into.
Mind you previously he’d keep his battles private so I couldn’t even tell my other friends what he said because it sounded petty from my end and they also couldn’t believe he’s actually like that, until he showed them himself….that was one of the best days of my life, tbd-to get rid of that rat.
Note that I tried a few times to resolve our issues, but he had developed some mental illness that he was keeping private from us and it caused him to have anger issues…and he was taking meds/seeing a therapist-he told me one time, but then clammed up about after.
On that same topic another ‘obvious’ point-keep bad people out of your life, I mean legit criminal types because if/when they get into any trouble, they’ll drag you down with them…and never assume they’re good guys or victims…some of them are just genetically wired to be bad people.
Additionally have a large group of friends, because over time you’ll lose most of them for many reasons…I just happened to get very lucky that I made some great friends in university, because I almost missed out-most people don’t really care to get to know you and the relationships tend to be fairly shallow…but I got very lucky and they’ve been with me to this day.
I don’t know about others, but I’m the kind of person who needs a good social network, with family and friends. I may be smart and I’m usually good at giving advice, but I can be a wreck when it comes to dealing with problems in my own life and I’ve always had to turn to friends or family to end up making (usually) the right decisions.
I’ll leave it here for now…my post also became a lot longer than I planned.
One point I forgot to add…yes it was my fault for sharing that email with that so-called friend, had I kept it private, I would’ve crossed no lines with anyone but I allowed myself to get coerced into making a potentially big mistake at the time.
Ofc another lesson is just keeping secrets…esp. if you don’t want your adversaries to find out what you’re thinking/saying or doing. Also just because people say they’ll keep your secrets, don’t believe them.
I was shocked to find out I had (a fake) best friend who’d tell his friends (that we hung out with)…some of my personal thoughts that I only shared with them, like being interested in a certain girl in our ground or family issues-like my problems with my dad. Eventually we parted ways.
Oh and if you’re educated and your friends aren’t…I’ve learned to avoid them like the plague, some of them get extremely jealous because you got your degree and they either couldn’t afford the program or couldn’t do all the hard work and dropped out.
They’ll forever thing you are ‘arrogant’ though you never insulted them on their education-because we understand not everyone has the money or ability to finish a degree…but they still remain very insecure about it and envious…I’m not a classist, but I learned the hard way again…keep those types of people at arm’s length or don’t even have them as friends…because they will damage your rep or your life behind your back.
IDK. As stupid as it sounds, being kind to others doesn’t take a whole lot. God knows how many people wander onto this place because of how miserable they are. Least you can do is try to ease their suffering a bit.
The most valuable thing i’ve learned is to take care of your body. It’s the greatest tool at your disposal. Once it starts breaking down it becomes very difficult to put back together. I guess all i’m saying is, take care of yourself. It’s important.
5 comments
Good question….I wish I had more time to type but it’s 5am now, maybe I’ll do a follow up later…but here’s a few valuable gems I wish I had known and not learned the hard way.
Never ever let yourself get influenced by your so-called friend-of-the-moment to make you do something you know in your heart is wrong and could lead to bad consequences.
For some reason in my life, whenever I’ve made a mistake, that almost always lead to some form of “punishment” like this idiot friend at work who’s known to be a comedian got me to change an email I wrote to a girl to something more sexual than I intended (we’d flirt and joke by email and in person also but he made me take it too far).
While I didn’t get officially reprimanded by mgmt, they called me out on some minor mistakes I made or for not meeting targets and eventually gave me the choice to leave or face the boot…there’s a lot more to it, my remark was ‘innocent’ and I didn’t think the girl would take it the wrong way as she knew I was a joker also.
But I pieced it together after and realized she might’ve gone to my manager…I would’ve liked for them to call me in a private meeting and I would’ve apologized and explained it was just a joke….but they didn’t give me that courtesy and probably assumed the worst about me…all thanks to that scummy guy.
Funny enough he later dropped some comment about that email-but blamed it all on me…but I didn’t get to ask “wait what are you talking about?”…he dropped a comment in passing and we were going our separate ways.
In some ways I feel I might have a mild case of autism, because I find I’ve been socially slow to catch things at times and I have to think and reflect to get its true meaning.
I’m pretty sharp in most other situations, like academics, jokes and so on, but interpersonal skills can sometimes be lacking…so now i try extra hard to pay attention to what’s going on…and I know sometimes people are being smart asses and usually now I take the context to be in the worst-case scenario.
Other lessons-well I read an interesting inspirational quote and I felt it was bang on…something like “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Those times in my life where I felt most ‘uncomfortable’ or insecure, or afraid, were actually incredibly important and pivotal…but I choose to remain ‘comfortable’ than risk getting rejection or egg on my face….and I look back now thinking that I had nothing to lose and if for example I had a good connection with a hot girl…for all I know she could’ve wanted to date me but expected me to ask her out.
I’ve had girls (from school or work) who’d later tell me had I asked them out at that time they would’ve said ‘yes’ but they had moved on after and dated someone else.
The girls I did end up dating were not always a good fit and sometimes they didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about them, or vice versa. It was rare where I met a girl and we were compatible in every way and sadly one of them just turned into a long distance relationship that fizzled out…but I might’ve married her if she lived closer.
Other lessons are probably things most people already know…but sometimes they can be hard to figure out….like being able to identify and then expel toxic people from your life.
I realize now what I did was pretty brilliant and well-planned. There was one friend a long time ago, who was well-embedded in my group but he started burning bridges with a few of us…but none of the rest of the group could see it.
He used to be a nice guy at the beginning but after a few years, he because a rotten ahole who’d start fights/argument in my group for no reason and I felt I had to get rid of him…so I created a trap and knew he couldn’t resist and ofc he started a fairly open argument with me and another friend in my group, exactly what I wanted.
The rest of the group members saw how insane and over-the-top he was behaving while my other friend and I just sat back and laughed…because we were treating it as a joke (some dumb fight over a movie)…but that did the trick. He stopped showing up, and eventually we never heard from him again…I think he felt humiliated and was finally exposed for the rotten pos that he turned into.
Mind you previously he’d keep his battles private so I couldn’t even tell my other friends what he said because it sounded petty from my end and they also couldn’t believe he’s actually like that, until he showed them himself….that was one of the best days of my life, tbd-to get rid of that rat.
Note that I tried a few times to resolve our issues, but he had developed some mental illness that he was keeping private from us and it caused him to have anger issues…and he was taking meds/seeing a therapist-he told me one time, but then clammed up about after.
On that same topic another ‘obvious’ point-keep bad people out of your life, I mean legit criminal types because if/when they get into any trouble, they’ll drag you down with them…and never assume they’re good guys or victims…some of them are just genetically wired to be bad people.
Additionally have a large group of friends, because over time you’ll lose most of them for many reasons…I just happened to get very lucky that I made some great friends in university, because I almost missed out-most people don’t really care to get to know you and the relationships tend to be fairly shallow…but I got very lucky and they’ve been with me to this day.
I don’t know about others, but I’m the kind of person who needs a good social network, with family and friends. I may be smart and I’m usually good at giving advice, but I can be a wreck when it comes to dealing with problems in my own life and I’ve always had to turn to friends or family to end up making (usually) the right decisions.
I’ll leave it here for now…my post also became a lot longer than I planned.
One point I forgot to add…yes it was my fault for sharing that email with that so-called friend, had I kept it private, I would’ve crossed no lines with anyone but I allowed myself to get coerced into making a potentially big mistake at the time.
Ofc another lesson is just keeping secrets…esp. if you don’t want your adversaries to find out what you’re thinking/saying or doing. Also just because people say they’ll keep your secrets, don’t believe them.
I was shocked to find out I had (a fake) best friend who’d tell his friends (that we hung out with)…some of my personal thoughts that I only shared with them, like being interested in a certain girl in our ground or family issues-like my problems with my dad. Eventually we parted ways.
Oh and if you’re educated and your friends aren’t…I’ve learned to avoid them like the plague, some of them get extremely jealous because you got your degree and they either couldn’t afford the program or couldn’t do all the hard work and dropped out.
They’ll forever thing you are ‘arrogant’ though you never insulted them on their education-because we understand not everyone has the money or ability to finish a degree…but they still remain very insecure about it and envious…I’m not a classist, but I learned the hard way again…keep those types of people at arm’s length or don’t even have them as friends…because they will damage your rep or your life behind your back.
corrections:
-in our group (not ground)
-forever think
IDK. As stupid as it sounds, being kind to others doesn’t take a whole lot. God knows how many people wander onto this place because of how miserable they are. Least you can do is try to ease their suffering a bit.
The most valuable thing i’ve learned is to take care of your body. It’s the greatest tool at your disposal. Once it starts breaking down it becomes very difficult to put back together. I guess all i’m saying is, take care of yourself. It’s important.