Faith based rant, completely irrelevant if there is nothing beyond this existence, which may well be the case.
However I keep coming back to that if there were such a thing as a god, or gods, or entities more powerful than humans. The thing is that most people don’t get how dramatic the impact humanity has. It’s awful, we’re still cleaning up. So when you invoke a _Higher Power_, understand what that means. Humans have it within them to travel within the solar system in my lifetime.
_Higher Power_ could correct for mistakes is what I’ve always thought. It doesn’t always, and that’s a complicated situation.
I don’t know, I guess I get too much of the whole transactional thing into me, because I’m stuck in such a transactional space. How much flesh must I give?
So why is it all the “miracles” are so low calibre? Coincidence or well arranged at best.
I want history shattering ramifications. Dang it. Well…… Actually what I wanted was a cup of water and a bed somewhere far away from here, but no such luck.
It sits there, the perfect spot for me to rest my head. Yes, I know it’s more than I deserve, you said NOT to be transactional. ???!????
It was at this point I had to check, and yes it is still there, how my heart broke for the few minutes I couldn’t find it…….. even though I know full well that absent that higher power, which I can no more be sure of than the results of this election…. which is a similarly futile wish.
This is only my second presidential election since my total psychotic break
My point is that, supposing an all powerful being, more powerful than superman because he’s not just everywhere at once, he’s everywhen. My dad NAILED this into my head because it’s something non theology people miss.
So just because I’m talking to him in 2024, he’s still back in 1930, 1830, 1730……1430. Ancient history to me is now to him. He’s not even a him, it’s just convenient to think of “him”, being that all humanity came out of “god” that god would represent both genders, in pure theology theory.
This has been bugging me more lately. There was a young televangelist who didn’t HAVE to build his university here. He really didn’t. Heck, the Catholic church could have self limited and prevented the reformation therefore preventing the young televangilist and his university from existing in the first place.
I don’t know where that puts me, out of existence is okay with me.
However I know there’s an alternative timeline where he lives in California, because he did for awhile. Why he came back here, well I do know why and it’s horrifically offensive and unkind. Geez the parallels with Jim Jones. However California would have known how to deal with him, and me I suspect.
So I tried praying for that alternative timeline, the California timeline. No luck yet though.
My little plot of aquiring property in the middle of nowhere looks pretty puny by comparison.
Not that it seems to matter. You can’t be good enough for a miracle. Which is exactly what is wrong with the whole faith racket. You attend church regular, read your bible, do extra stuff on the side, and you’ve got to make it look really sincere. Maybe it is most of the time, but some of the time you’ve got to fake it, and that eventually wears you out.
I only try to be sincere.
Yes, I feel like there must be something more. That’s what comes of staying put for most of a decade. Working your butt off being promised more, only to have it pulled away. A worker is worth their wage, it is said.
but the higher power is supposed to consider us his children? Most people treat their children better than their workers.
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You are right in saying that he’s at every point in time and both genders and everywhere and all that. If god works the way we believe he does. My outlook on what god is shifts with my mood. When I get real frustrated I hate him. Because I believe that nothing happens that he doesn’t want to happen. So all the awful horrible things that happen are on him. When I’m cooler and not as angry I feel like it’s not that simple. There is no real way for us to truly understand God. Truly. The point of religion and it’s customs and rules is that it hinges on faith. Because realistically, that’s all we can do. Is have faith. I have a hard time trusting things I don’t understand, so asking me for faith is a bit much. There’s just simply no way to know or understand what he/she/it is.
Later that day I had a conversation with my mom about how much we can know, and the place of the church in the modern world, it was interesting. It was biblically rooted, which means doctrinally it was correct. I’m still a little obsessed with that, even if I’m entirely wrong about faith.
It’s kind of the thing of even though we admit baseball is a game, I play by the rules, out of respect for the other players who take it much more seriously than I.
I brought up though that great heroes of the bible got seriously peeved at God the father at some point, including God the son. Which is an interesting theological knot if you get into the shape of the godhead, which I just like to say, the shape of the godhead. It’s horribly complicated deep theology but it would be a great heavy metal album.
Also where is the Holy Spirit during this discussion, their seldom mentioned third friend? The shemp to their Larry and Moe? Wow, that’s the most herretical thing I’ve ever said…… Bravo. The scripture is vague on that point.
Anyway I got to talking about David mostly, and Isaac and Abraham. Moses came up as well, wandering the desert and all that. Mom wanted to talk about Joseph who I mentioned early on.
The thing about Joseph is that he’s a prototypical Christ figure. I somehow feel that story might have gotten a bit more glazing after the Catholic church got hold of it. It bothers me.
David though, David is a guy I can relate to. Big promises, not such a pleasant outcome eh? Younger years, I really do try to find ways to talk about it that focus on my insecurity about it; but my developing years were spent being repeatedly tested and being told “You’re very bright, if you just weren’t so stubborn”, and taken to various experts of taming the will, and education, and physical mastery. I’m not kidding I had speech therapy, there was an athletic program it was a whole dang thing to make sure that I passed the bar for a normal boy. I did it, barely by the skin of my teeth I did it.
On that promise.
and I think about David fighting Goliath, the systems I had to take on at a young age. Both David and I reaped some rich rewards from those victories.
He goes from lifted up to on the run, hiding and fighting for his life.
Honestly that’s how it feels right now. I’m as on defense as I’ve ever been. I feel very abandoned and betrayed. Not by God though.
I don’t know what they’re up to. Something, I suspect. Or nothing, might just be watching to see how it goes. I’ve speculated that they’re just spectators to history at this point, nothing vital happens anymore, nothing worth fixing…..
it goes against scripture, but deism is a cleaner solution.
I’d never admit it anywhere else, but I prayed at my desk today…. quietly. It was a selfish prayer, that cup of water, that specific place I want to rest my head…..
That’s another discussion I can’t have with the faith community; I don’t think it’s fair to expect the faithful to be perfectly pious, however I think a realistic talk about scaling expectations would do everyone a world of good.
Well, Tomorrow is the first of the month, which is an early morning.
I’ll tell you what I think. I had no idea about that theology stuff but it sounds really cool.
I am a total mess, but God really helps me. I will try to write how. I used to think that church is a place where self righteous people go to feel better about themselves.
But the way that I look at it now is as the hospital for the soul. And the sacraments are medicine, and the priests are doctors. And they’re not perfect, but who is?
And how does it help me apart from just that theoretical part. I pray to God every day. Sometimes I don’t, because I don’t want to. And then I feel just like I always used to feel. Food doesn’t taste good. I sleep, and I don’t get any rest. I can’t do any work properly. Without God helping me all of the time, I am completely incapable of functioning as a human being. And I know that it’s true, and that I don’t just imagine it.
For two weeks I pretty much haven’t gone to church, because I’m not allowed to. My priest told me not to go, and to be a good host for my cousin who is visiting and show him Christian Love, and so on… And I have realised that I don’t love anyone. And I’m the worst. Yesterday I made a tiktok with a girl and another guy in my class, and it was really inappropriate, and I’m really ashamed of myself because I’m supposed to be a Christian, and there are atheists who are morally superior to me.
And I don’t know about anything else. I honestly feel, that this world is too cruel. Too cold. I wish I had more Love. I wish I was more compassionate. I wish I was more responsible. But if I just write those things and don’t act upon them, they’re just words.
I don’t know about scaling expectations. It makes sense to me. Obviously, someone doesn’t go from being an addict to being sober in one day. And spiritual life is kind of like that. I think. Hope you had a nice day.