I dont really have friends. I have people I talk to and catch up with regularly over text, or email. But I don’t hang out with anyone. And, I sort of miss that.

2010, I believe, was the last time I had a true friend. It’s been a very long time.

I am a living-dead person. Someone who has utterly ruined their life and is stuck in this big, long “now”, waiting for the end. I’m doing what I can to salvage things, because when I think about what I would do if I hadn’t ruined my life…well. I am attempting to do those things now, even though failure is likely. Too many barriers to overcome.

Still, even if I hadn’t ruined my life, the lack of social connection makes for an emptiness in itself. I’ve spent too much time isolated.

I spend a lot of time wishing I’d never existed in the first place. Idk.