You Win

God, life, whatever you are. You win. I’m not gonna fight it anymore. I fought, I tried, I really did. You did a pretty good job of kicking my ass. Props to you.

I gave all I had, though I know it wasn’t a lot. It wasn’t a very good job. But I was stubborn. Stupidly stubborn, really. And kept going, and going. Thought maybe if I fought hard enough, there would be light at the end. That there would be something more, something different than this. But I was wrong. Oh so very wrong. That’s on me. This whole thing’s on me, and I know that.

So I’m done. No more pushing, no more trying, no more of this thing that I’ve become. I’ve learned my lesson – had to be burned again and again, but I learned. I finally wore myself out and realize you had won long ago. I’m not mad, it was all my own doing to begin with.

You forced me to look at myself over and over, look at this heinous reflection, and all its faults. I didn’t wanna look at it, or acknowledge it, for a long ass time. I still don’t, sometimes. But it forced me to look at it, look at what I am, have become, have created around me. Telling me the things I didn’t want to accept.

Congratulations,

You win.