I’m 18 now and I hate how everyone just expects me to know what I want to do with my life. My cousin the same age as me and is always talking about doing architecture and going to college. I’m so jealous of her because I have no ambition there is nothing I want to do I don’t see a future for myself and I never have. I got kicked out by my moms husband, quit my job, broke up with my boyfriend and now am living in my grandmothers house talking to my ex and just staying In bed all day I don’t have any motivation to get up and do anything. There have been a couple days where I felt the need to get up so I’ve done a couple things like paint the door frame or clean the bathroom but then I just go back to laying in bed for another week.
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If you’re a fan of french-canadian movies there’s a great one called 1987 about a bunch of 18yos graduating. It shows how ridiculous it is to expect people to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives when they’re 18, not even old enough to vote or get into bars. Anyway it’s a fun movie for those of us who don’t know wtf we’re doing with our lives
I went to college but dropped out, bounced around, discovered depression and spent a lot of time in bed like you did. Something will present itself right? If not, no big loss…
We all need some down-time, esp. after high school…but you should plan out your life and goals you want to achieve. I picked a field that didn’t work out for me…make yourself useful in other fields.
I’m just very lucky I always used to have a backup plan and that always paid my bills (office work). Some companies are sketchy, the pay is decent-but if you job hop a bit, you’ll find one or two that are really good…like the one I’m with now.
It’s saved my azz in so many ways…the insurance coverage is fantastic, covered all my dental, meds, my glasses. A few times I was covered for back pain and missed work a month at a time. When I’ve been able to work regularly, I got very good bonuses.
Don’t get me wrong, I compare that to where I could’ve been, I do realize I’ve sold myself way too short. For example I told my brother in law (who was experiencing hard times) about a certain course that paid well if he finished it…he did it, in a few years he ended up in high finance in a banking position making a ton of money.
I could’ve done the same, but I was just burnt out after university and I was sick of studying…in hindsight I should’ve done the same. But I also had a side-hustle that would pay off big if I was able to work at it. The trouble was that I didn’t anticipate my living situation would stop me from working on my side job…so I’m looking to move so I can focus on that.
Anyways back to your situation. You don’t want to find out the hard way…if you depend on others, they could kick you out when you’re most vulnerable. At the very least you should have a stable job so you can always pay your way and live on your own. Another thing, get a dependable car (newer the better imo)…go for brands known for reliability….then save up as much as you can, for moving, dental work or other expenses.
Have two streams, your career and what pays your bills right now. We all have our hard times, but don’t lose sight of your actual life. I lived far too timidly when I should’ve been brave and more aggressive…so I missed out on a lot of great things, esp. for romantic relationships.
As for not knowing what to do-none of us really know…but money has to be a priority and then what you enjoy doing. There are jobs that pay well but are stressful or you can go the other way, lower pay, less stress…that’s what I’m doing right now.
For a time I lived under my dad’s roof and that was a mistake because he’s a moody sociopathic type…at times he cared about me and wanted to help and at other times he wanted me out of his house.
Don’t depend on anyone…unless that other person is also dependable. I live with my mom now and we get along ok. Only thing missing in my life is a significant other and when things get more stable for me, that’ll be my next goal.
I wish I could be 18 again and make better choices….that was 30 years ago for me. Time flies so you gotta focus and making things happen for yourself. Assuming you want a comfortable life for yourself by the time you hit your 40s and 50s. If you don’t want to live, that’s another story you’d have to think about.
One important point I forgot to mention-I didn’t work continuously. Usually 4-5 years at a time, then a break for a year or two. I was always trying to get out of the rat race, tried business…I came very close to making a lot at one point, but the odds are against you.
I will say the hardest times were when I was not working…being hand to mouth and being very vulnerable. I had some ‘rock bottom’ moments I can tell you, like with my dad’s situation, he wanted me out but so did I and I moved in with my mom. Her health was declining so I think it turned out to be a serendipitous moment for both of us.
I was able to help her out and vice versa…eventually I started working again…learned some very hard lessons. I also had some major health scares, had to quit working for a while, then went back. In the old days 2 people could live off one income, but that’s no longer the case.
Bottom line in all of this, unless you have a really solid support network, a house you can stay at, etc…then you should always be working or have a ton of savings in case the worst ever happens so you can ride out the bad times.
Jumping back in my life to my mid 20s, out of uni, I had a decent job….my mom lived in a different city but was experiencing problems where she lived and she was deep in debt, I had a credit line at the time and like waving a magic wand, I wiped out all her debts and helped her quickly move to my city, close to where I lived and visited her regularly.
Without that job, there could’ve been major issues…so kind of the same theme here. But try to get a job that doesn’t suck the life out of you…and also pays good enough that you can build savings, don’t settle for anything that pays too little and has no job security.
I did not know what to do with my life at 18, which was a shame, could have had free college. Instead I worked a few jobs. I think somewhere in there I did six months at trade school, got kicked out for bringing a knife….. which I still think is BS but anyway. Hopped from job to job, got married, got divorced, went back to school.
Then I worked for two years at a hospital, burned out of that. Went out surveying pipeline for a year, had a nervious breakdown, went back to school, suddenly became an overnight academic success, graduated into covid, had 9 months in Child Welfare, washed out, tried my hand at Electrical apprentice, failed that, 9 months as a social worker doing Food Stamps, Medicaid and Childcare, got fired, and here I am.
Life just kind of happens to you. College means debt, don’t go until you have some idea why you want to. Also, if you try to go into a helping profession life is going to deal you a heavy dose of sucker punch for it, and there will be no thank you for it, EVER. The rewards are more spiritual and emotional, definitely not financial.
I would be leaning in favour of Soda’s advice mentioned above about not depending on anyone. I didn’t learn that brutal reality until I was 25. If you can get that into your head now at 18 you will avoid a lot of trouble.
Thanks Rainwatch and agreed. If you don’t have your own house, live under someone else’s roof, never get comfortable…always see yourself as being on the move. Even if it’s your family that you thought would be there for you through thick and thin, they could turn on a dime and you can easily end up homeless (luckily I had my mom I could live with).
I trusted my dad but as mentioned he’s a sociopath and several times he flipped on me, after promising I could stay as long as I wanted-but then changed his mind and wanted me out. He was in a different city, close to my work and he promised I could stay at least 2-3 years to get on my feet.
Literally they day I moved in I was in his car and he said, you should find another place and move in a couple of weeks. We didn’t have any issue at the time, but that’s his psycho nature.
I reminded him he said I could stay for a few years. Luckily he didn’t force the issue…but I really should’ve taken that seriously and focused on getting my own place in a couple of years. The trouble was the job was unreliable and you could get fired any time…but I’ll leave it there.
In short, never be under anyone’s thumb. Oh and also never assume your besties will always be besties and be there for you…I’ve had a couple of relationships crash and burn. So make a bunch of close friends, expect to lose many over time.
The only thing you can depend on in your life is yourself, your word, integrity and reliability towards others. I’ve found few people hold themselves up to the standards they pretend to hold…most people are shiit and if they have any edge over you, they’ll use it or see you as beneath them. Independence is freedom and power.
Honestly I never get too comfortable I keep my stuff in bags almost always packed and ready to go at any time because my moms husband started kicking me out when I was 12 but no matter where I went there was always a price so I do want to get my own place soon I just don’t feel ready to go back to work. I am though because I applied to Mary Lou’s just temporary till I figure out what I want to do a little. I have thought about the military my sister is in Air Force but I just don’t know if it would be a good fit for me.
Totally agree bro. My first loyalty would to be to my mother, my mother stood by me through thick and thin. My father and I see things differently and is it turned out had very little to say to each other, nothing in common. My brother and I never went out socially which says it all really, I would consider two brothers who never went out together socially as not just a tragedy, but a Greek tragedy. Family can be peculiar and like I said my mum is the only member I prioritise.
I hear you brother-ya same for my mother…she’s got her faults but she’d always be there for you. Sorry to hear about the problems you have with the other family members but I guess that’s probably typical of most families.
I have two sisters-one I get along with reasonable well, and another who’s a nutcase. I think she got my dad’s sociopathetic tendencies. She’s very selfish and unreliable. She blames everyone for her problems but herself.
Frankly all I care is that my family members are doing ok, not stuggling and I want to get myself to a better financial state and enjoy the parts of life I missed out on because of all the things that were getting in my way.
OK, so I never thought in a million years that I would suggest this, especially since I was in the Army and can’t say I really enjoyed my job. However, recruitment is way down in the services and they probably have a lot of good bonuses, so I’d consider the Air Force if I were in your shoes now, but definitely not the Army or Marines, unless of course you want a career in the military, but I assume you don’t. My dad liked the Navy, but that was before there were ship-killing missiles, so I’d avoid that. I trained with all the branches, and quickly regretted not joining the Air Force — they have it the best by far. Pick an easy, non-combat job that you may like: medical, paralegal, pest management (lol), do your 4 years and get the GI bill for college or trade school. Although I didn’t really like being in the military, I did meet a lot of good friends and we partied a lot, so it wasn’t that bad at all on a day to day basis.