The Void

I think I just got hired at this new job but I’m not sure because they haven’t updated me on anything after my drug test/physical/background check.

I’m essentially living with an ogre/twit. My father is someone who nobody ever visits because he has a chip on his shoulder nearly 24/7.

I don’t know if he’s a narcissist but he goes from 0-100 real fast. He likes to find new things in his house to hyper focus on and complain about. I’m fine with following his rules but it’s how he communicates those rules that just rubs me the wrong way.

For starters, he’ll call for me out loud in an aggressive manner as if to try and express that he’s mad. Secondly, once I’m present, he gives me this mean poopoo face like I just flipped him off or something, thirdly he rants about something for longer than is needed (often repeating the same stuff over and over again in the same rant which can last up to an hour)

His latest conquest is keeping his new house carpet clean. He doesn’t like it when me and my brother walk from the kitchen floor to the carpet without taking off our socks. He says it brings small crumbs of food over to the carpet. I understand what he’s saying but a vacuum can easily solve that and it’s what I do when he’s not home anyway, I vacuum. For someone who wants his house to look nice, he sure does like to make it look weird, he brought a random ass door entrance carpet and placed it where the house carpet and kitchen floor meet. He wants us to use it for our feet I guess.

Apparently Mexico doesn’t have carpet cleaning services or something because he doesn’t realize that carpets can be serviced here in the US. At my local grocery store they got these carpet cleaning devices from a company called Rug Doctor that you can rent.

Not hating on Mexico but my dad came from a poor background which is fine but it’s still annoying how out of the loop he is.

And if I’m being honest, being the son of an immigrant doesn’t bother me but I unfortunately made a connection where it shouldn’t. For as long as I can remember, I never wanted anything to do with Mexican Culture and heritage because I assumed my dad was Mexican culture. I assumed being an angry, physically abusive, petty twit 24/7 was part of that culture. Hearing my dad’s temper tantrums in Spanish has turned me off to the language completely. A lady can be physically attractive but if I hear Spanish coming out of her mouth, it just turns me off.

I know, it sucks because the truth is that there’s no connection but my childhood brain nevertheless made that association between Mexico and his behavior.

And then there’s the whole hypocrisy of him complaining that I have low self esteem but has never put in any effort to lose weight. So not only is my father an angry, physically abusive male Karen in public but he’s also a FAT one at that.

It also doesn’t help that he hates white people. He thinks most of them are racist.

The other day he essentially told me that he’s an asshole in public because he has an inferiority complex. He said that when he sees a tall white guy walking towards him, he’ll purposely shoulder check them. Like what the hell is that? And he really didn’t have to tell me that, I’ve seen it myself. I guess at least now I have verification of what I’ve always suspected was happening there.

If anyone reads this post, you may think this is minimal stuff to be upset about in regards to my dad but if you look through my profile. About 80%+ of my posts have something to do with my dad and his unhinged behavior.

Anyway, I got WAYYY off topic there but in a way it kinda relates to “The Void”.

This new job I might’ve just gotten is gonna pay me $21 an hour with tons of overtime. Job benefits start from day 1 with a great healthcare and dental care plan.

I aced the job interview where they told me they’d love to hire me. Gave me a piece of paper with what kinda schedule I could expect.

They just said I’d have to do a background check+physical+drug test. I don’t do drugs, I’m in decent shape for a male.

They told me it could take up to 2 weeks to hear back from them for further instruction. It’s been a week now and so far no response from the company. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t worrying me. My savings are pretty much drained completely. Other jobs are available nearby but I don’t wanna get hired at some other place while I’m waiting only to discover later on that everything was fine and dandy with this job.

I can’t think of any way to burn time without feeling like I’m wasting it. I’ve been trying to stay productive by studying Chemistry and math but it’s difficult to focus when you feel like you’re focusing on the wrong thing.