i’ve been struggling a lot lately. honestly i don’t really know what to do. or well, i kinda do. like, i know what i should do, but i also don’t want to actually do that. kinda complicated, but not really.
sometimes i think, i really shouldn’t’ve started to date people. so far, it’s only made my life miserable. or maybe it’s me. i’m a common denominator after all i guess. i mean it’s not like i’m perfect, obviously. but to not even ask the other person how they’re doing? it feels pretty different.
long distance makes things even worse, because no matter how many times i mention i don’t feel lik we’re connecting emotionally, nothing changes. every apology is followed by a “but”, which honestly doesn’t even make it feel like an apology at all.
at some point, i feel like i’m just gonna have to take the plunge and get it over with. one way or the other. either way, i don’t really mind the outcome very much. for some time i’ve thought i might never get to know what it feels like to be truly and blissfully happy. i’m not even sure if that actually exists lol. might just be a myth. but then another part of me thinks, why do so many people know about how it feels if it’s not real? so then, maybe it’s just not for me.
it feels like i sound annoying lol. i don’t know. i feel like i haven’t talked to anyone in a long time, and i’m just floating by without doing anything that matters. i’m just hanging out and not even enjoying it. lack of purpose falls short, i don’t think i actually feel anything other than loneliness. i kinda want to stop talking, but at the same time i want to keep talking. i want to get everything out, even if nothing remains and nothing makes sense. even still, i feel like i don’t have that right. so i’ll stop for now.
if someone doesn’t love you well or their love is incomplete, then remember you deserve something better
1 comment
All your points make sense to me. Loneliness is real, even if we aren’t. The feeling is tangible, like pain, or like happiness if you’re lucky enough to find it.
Relationships are tough to begin with. If you add long distance to the obstacles, they’re extra tough. And if you add depression or shaky mental health then it’s like running a marathon with iron weights. I guess they say true love can overcome all obstacles, and I believe it (if you have dogs you will too) but it’s really hard to find another human who makes it happen.
Keep looking though. There’s no shame in breaking up with someone who isn’t a good fit. It does you both a favor. But try to keep the faith. As crummy as I am, I still think there’s hope in happiness.