I’ve been talking less and less to people around me. Keep it brief and keep it light. I just haven’t felt the need to say anything. Don’t got anything to say.
This research proposal isn’t going well. Don’t got any ideas and it’s not even something I really want to research anyways. I thought I found something that would be interesting, but I’m not even sure there was anything there to begin with. Probably just a pointless dead end. I’d like to say that this is the reason for why I haven’t really worked on my research proposal, but I’m sure you could add laziness to the list as well. I honestly just don’t want to do anything. Like I said, I think I’ve done everything that I can and want to do. I keep waking up disappointed that I didn’t die in my sleep. I look forward to nothing. Don’t really want to get a job but can’t stand doing nothing either. Dying feels like the only thing that makes sense to me. Mors omnia solvit. It’s a latin phrase I looked up cause I was bored and cringe. Death solves all things. I wish it’d just solve my problems already.
2 comments
Everything you say here resonates deeply with me, especially regarding your research proposal
My friends and family, who I rarely say much to in general, ask me things like “What you’re studying sounds really interesting! What’s your proposal?” and I just sort of shrug and pretend that I have an ounce of passion for my study. The truth is, I couldn’t care less if I actually finish this or not
In truth, I barely feel like I’m alive as it is. When people tell me what a nice day it is or how cool something is, I just react completely neutrally. I don’t feel anything and am getting more comfortable with the idea of just slowly withering away into dust over time
As you say, death solves everything
To be clear, this isn’t me encouraging these thoughts or actions, merely noting how relatable I find what you say for myself