I don’t know if the higher dosage of my depression meds have kicked in or I’ve gotten over my latest round of rejections, but I’m not feeling as bad as I was last week. Not amazing, but not bad either. Just kinda middling. But the thing is I don’t really want to get better. Life is full of ups and downs. I get that. But I just want off the ride. It’s why I pushed myself so hard last year to kill myself. And the ups and downs don’t change the fact that I’m an unemployable dumb-ass who will be resigned to a life he doesn’t want and unable to achieve the life he does want. I just want that one low that will finally push me to OD or something so I can just get it over with. IDK. Even though I feel a little better nothings really changed much.
Contractor technician job is still up in the air. Apparently Amazon is hesitant cause I don’t have an apartment yet and they want someone who’s already committed to the area. I told them I’d be willing to relocate. I even told them I have family in the area that can house me (Would be like a two hour plus drive every time I want to get to and from work though.) Honestly I hope Amazon rejects me. I don’t want a fucking technician job and I don’t want a contractor job so I double don’t want this job either. But if they do offer it, I’ll have to go. I graduated in May. It’s been half a year. I can’t keep making excuses not to work. So I’ll have to suck it up and do it. I’ll probably be a screw up at that job anyways.
Also anyone else see that fucking bot that’s been posting casino ads as posts? How’d we even get one? It’s kinda funny, but still a little annoying.
Even though it goes against the exact thing I said in the post, I still like the song.