I did the thing I said I’d do once I moved out. I singed up for a dating app. I hated every minute of it. I don’t talk to people. I like being by myself. Sort of. I do feel lonely, bit I’ve kinda gotten used to it. Just avoid people and you don’t feel like that.
The process was confusing and painful. It don’t like taking pictures. I don’t even like looking in the mirror. But I needed pics. I don’t like talking about myself, but I needed something to put on there. Gave kinda generic answers. Using it was confusing too. Layout and actions don’t make a lot of sense. It’s social media and I hate that stuff. I bet after not getting anyone interacting with me for a week, I’ll delete it.
I didn’t spend too much time on the app, but it did made me realize I don’t belong there. It has a bunch of pictures of women I’d never talk to in real life. They all have a bunch of selfies that makes it seem they spend a lot of time looking at themselves. Which is fine, but that’s the exact opposite of me. The more I spent time on there made me realize how I’m not meant for dating. I’m not for human consumption. My strange and shameful proclivities. My unhygienic and unhealthy lifestyle. My everything. I’ve kept to myself my whole life. If it’s not for a goal or purpose, I don’t know how to talk to somebody. Talk to them just to talk to them. To get to know a human. I don’t deal with those.
I carried a torch for that girl for so long. I think she was the last person I genuinely had feelings for. And I had them for so long. I have God knows how many posts talking about it. Painful lonely ones. I guess I was that way for so long and then having her ghost me for the last time just made me uninterested in people. I know I fantasize about being with someone, but they’re like all my fantasies. Completely removed from reality that it seems ridiculous to think they’d ever happen.
Sort of relevant