February is almost here. That means I’m almost 1/3 of the way done. Or at least I hope I am. I’m setting myself up for the biggest god damn punchline if I can’t find a job before June. I can’t go back to being jobless, so I’ll have to accept a permanent position. A bullet to the brain would be a better solution honestly. I’ve spent the last 4 weeks non stop applying for jobs. Today was the first day in weeks where I didn’t either look for one or apply. I’ve only heard back from a handful of places. I should have at least gotten a ton of rejections by now. I think it’s cause it’s January and companies are just coming out of the holiday break and moving slow cause of the new year. I hope that’s the case anyways. I can’t be here for years and years and years. Every time my co worker with a bachelors says he’s been there for a long time I just feel a knot in my stomach. And my uncle who I go to advice for a lot mentioned a friend of his has been looking for a job for a fucking year. Someone who probably has more experience in his respective field than I do in mine and he’s struggling.
Every time I think of my situation I just get angrier that my one shot I had for what I really wanted was stolen from me. I’m never going to get another opportunity like that. WPI already knew me and were probably going to be the only university that would put up with me. The money issue for US schools is just going to get worse making a slim possibility into an impossibility. International schools are a pipe dream. So that’s it. It’s over. Now I’m shackled to a career I don’t want. Even if I do manage to get some boring ass automation job in some state I don’t want to live in, it will never be research like I want to. Even if I was never good at it. Purpose in a career is the only thing keeping me going. Nothing else matters to me.
Don’t have much else to say. It’s just going to be me complaining about this for the next 4 months. Maybe longer. I think I explained to my mom before that life is like a bad movie. Why should you sit through it when you could just get up and leave?