10 more weeks then I’ll have less than 10 weeks. Overall I’m getting used to it. Which is not something I’m exactly happy about. Still looking for a job. Still not having any luck. I’ve been trying harder than when I was looking a few months ago. No motivation like dread. Haven’t gotten a call back for an interview yet though. Only been three weeks, so I guess that’s normal. From what I remember it took a few weeks when I started looking for a job and then they kinda came flooding in before they died out. At the rate I’m going though I should hear something. But of course that doesn’t really mean anything until I get an offer. I spend my free time at my job now looking for applications I can fill out later.
Overall things are just ok. Besides the pain in the ass that is 12 hour shifts, things have kind of just been whatever. Haven’t thought much of blowing my brains out beyond a casual thought. I just keep doing what I’m doing. I get to play cards on Sunday, can watch a movie on Monday if I want, and just laze around on Tuesday. Then I work and I get used to it sort of. Pay sucks. But it was more than I was making before which was nothing. Of course it goes to shit like my dentist appointments and rent. But I’m slowly saving to get the fuck out of here. Whenever that time comes. I want it to come soon.
Still think about the lab. I’m never going to see it again. Never going to see any lab again. Like I said it was a miracle that I got as far as I did. But I can’t help wanting to go further. Talked to my uncle a few days ago just to catch up and I mentioned going out of the country again for my PhD. You could tell he didn’t totally believe I was serious about it or that I could do it. I admitted it was a pipe dream. I mean if you think about it its all been a pipe dream. I think I’ll start researching schools soon. Just one more thing to apply to and get rejected.
Dating app experiment is still going. Even though I should’ve deleted my account by now. Haven’t paid as much attention to it like I did the first month. That’s probably for the best. Had one more person message me on it but they take forever to respond. Probably talking to a lot of different guys or just not that interested in really finding a date which is cool either way. Not like I’m crazy about her either. On the flip side I’ve gotten some surprisingly unwanted attention from someone else. An old friend of mine seems to be trying to flirt with me. I’ve known the dude since I was like 13. It’s really damn uncomfortable to be honest. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or anything, but it’s starting to be a little much. I barely talk to the guy as it is and now the few times I do he makes weird suggestive comments. Also he’s engaged so there’s that, but I don’t know if they got some sort of open relationship thing going on or something. If they don’t that’s kinda fucked of him. I’ve never talked about this, but I’m pretty sure he… I’m not sure if assaulted is the right term. I think something less than that is appropriate but still need a word for it. I was sleeping over at his house when I was in high school one time and sleeping in his full sized mattress cause sleeping on the floor sucks and I’m pretty sure the dude kissed me when I was asleep. Like on the lips. I remember opening my eyes and seeing him over me and immediately shift off of me to his side of the bed. It was dark and like I said I was asleep so I kinda wrote it off as a bizarre dream I had. This was before he came out to me. But after a while things started to click. He’s a good friend so I don’t hold anything against him, but man it does make things weird. Kinda hope he gets the message and stops. Otherwise things are going to keep getting weird and I really don’t want that.